Unspoken thoughts
float about my veins
and I continue to be baffled
at how I love you.
It's truly mind blowing
at the sudden elation I recieve
and sense of relief I possess when I'm with you
...I adore you.
It cuts so deep, the suffering
to not be on good terms with you, I threaten myself.
God make me a better person for him!
I wipe my tears and the cycle resets itself;
I am the glitch.
People are deaf when I tell them they're blind.
A roar of rumours and half jealous, almost snide remarks, protest
BABY GET OUT OF THERE
but I don't give up easily, ever.
Unspoken thoughts click through my fingertips
and I continue to be impressed
at how your motivation makes things happen, Angel.
Because that's how I love you.
Comments
jennifer | March 7, 2010 - 14:13
Some great imagery, but a faltering rhythm. Perhaps a reworking, concentrating more on rhythm and syllables per line, would tighten it?
J x
sabzwin | March 7, 2010 - 22:16
Yes that's a good idea to structure it more, with some more evident rhythm... I will try that.
Sabzwin x