Time is paused in honour of the tension between a question and the answer.
My eyes jolt
They scan frantically from left to right
My heart pumps so rapidly, I forget to breathe.
It breaks through my chest.
It burns like a candle beneath your fingertips.
A brassy discoloured texture, stinks like an old people's home
Worn out pins on the clock above your throne, offends the atmosphere, here.
Everything is silver, the entire room
Plainly tainted silver. With love. With luck.
It's been here all along
I won't stick around to watch it's fate revealed
I'd rather live alone, with my hatred concealed.
Comments
jennifer | August 3, 2010 - 18:25
Some lovely parts to this, but I think it would work better with a more 'poetic' structure - i.e. shorter line lengths and more controlled deployment of words on the page.
Did you mean 'question' in the first line?
J x
shoe | August 3, 2010 - 19:47
I really like this, nice original idea and lovely images.
sabzwin | August 4, 2010 - 22:30
You're right about structure in poetry, this could do with a nice reworking on that note
I did mean question, thanks :) x
sabzwin | August 4, 2010 - 22:31
Thankyou, Shoe
S x
jennifer | August 4, 2010 - 23:16
Better :)
J x