Trying

I try to think,
I try to think about something to write about,
I try to think about the books I have to revise for my exam,
I try to think about what it is that I have actually done in the last three days,
All I am actually thinking,
Is about how much I am trying to think,
Its very stupid,
Very fucking stupid indeed,
I am just writing this for something to do,
So that I can show it to you,
As evidence of something I have done,
But you won’t think much of this,
It isn’t anything,
Not that words aren’t anything,
Just that these ones don’t really sing to me,
I would like to care about these words more,
So that perhaps then you would.
I am craving some recognition,
I am needing somebody to tell me this is worthwhile,
I want to be wanted,
I try to be something,
I try to think,
Instead I sink,
Into this familiar pattern of line, comma, repeat, hope.
Hope that somehow, someone somewhere will be feeling the same as me and will think, ‘this means something to me’.
And then I will have made them think and stopped them trying.
To me though this is still trying,
As I think of words to rhyme with trying, I was close to saying that I was now crying,
Ye, as if this had enough in it to make me cry,
All this makes me do is wonder why,
You see I found a rhyme there,
And yet this is nothing to do with that,
This is just me,
Out there for anyone to see,
And yet so private as I write it,
And yet still it is just me trying and trying to think,
Trying to think of something worthwhile.