I
and yet not I:
COMPLETELY OTHER
some beat phoenix risen
from the ashes
of terrified insanity
the same wide blue eyes
with the same long lashes
but the game is changed:
all but reversed
right has often become wrong
and vica-versa
The other day
on a local bus
there was an interesting display of humanity:
toward the back was a stunning blonde
with positively idyllic smiling blue eyes
sharing my seat
was a well-dressed, middle-aged black man
with a pleasant and intelligent demeanour
just behind me were a couple of rough necks
(one with a free smile
and a bag of golf clubs)
the other talked gruffly and too loudly
Aside from that,
the bus was tranquil:
just men and women of varied professions, races, and ideals
peacefully sharing a short ride:
thinking maybe of what spices to toss in tonight's casserole,
an evening match on a pleasant public tennis court,
or perhaps of hiring a favorite lady escort
It was a beautiful scene, ya know
it seems to me now...
!!a so rare glimpse of the real "American Dream!!"
But I was rife with confusion,
my young-old muscles writhed in pain
and my mental state
might be described as insane:
the light of the sun
reached my mind's eye
not in clear rays of illumination,
but as if reflected through a cut crystal: fractaled
my emerald ego nursing joy, hope, and confidence,
the pink of my inner poet observing
a Buddha-like old cowboy with calm but pursed lips,
the yellow of my terror
looking almost eagerly for a threat,
(the thrilling dry forest hills trying
to say something "I"
thought I couldn't hear,
but which now is rather clear)
the reds of my anger willing
the two talkers to shut the fuck up,
the green of my jealously
envying the healthier people about me,
the blues of my composure
carefully looking for my stop
(the route was new to me.)
I got off the bus
and walked toward home
stopping on the sidewalk for a while...
for some idle minutes a sort of amnesiac,
then pushing on
The next day,
today:
I ate a good dose of red mushrooms
which looked and tasted
as they should
(foul, it might be said)
but which had little effect
though as one should I drank orange juice
except that the energy
was very good and loose
And so
in these twilight hours,
for the first time in a good while
not feeling angry and weary,
I really tried to write with honesty
(but it's not the first time you see)
