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Posted by Silver Spun Sand on May 3, 2010 - 21:10
from the ABC set Silver Spun Sand Poems

An indent in the pillow
where, moments ago,
his head had been
whilst he lay there
gazing at the ceiling
savouring coming with me.

Another for the portfolio –
invisible now, as he is,
entirely out of focus
behind closed doors
in another room.

Leaving me –
stickler for detail
that I am, a black and white
image of an unmade bed...
crumpled sheets
stained silver
by the moon.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

maggyvaneijk | May 3, 2010 - 21:37

Beautiful, the second stanza is the strongest. In my mind each stanza is like a separate photograhy the speaker holds in their hand.

Silver Spun Sand | May 3, 2010 - 22:36

You have an enviable grasp of things, maggy.

Thank you.

Tina

MistakenMagic | May 4, 2010 - 10:15

It's great to see a shorter poem from you, Tina - and this one really works! I love the images captured and that last stanza is just brilliant ;) Well done!

Magic xxx

MistakenMagic | May 4, 2010 - 10:15

.

Silver Spun Sand | May 4, 2010 - 10:24

Exactly what I thought (I mean about the length). Glad you noticed;-)

So pleased it worked, for you at least;-) And thanks so much for taking time out from your studies.
Hope the rest of your week goes well.

Tina xxx

Beeme | May 4, 2010 - 15:48

I really enjoyed this and the last stanza was particularity charming. I agree with Magic it's very nice to see a shorter poem from you. I think this is one of my favourite of yours.

Beeme xx

Silver Spun Sand | May 4, 2010 - 16:55

Beeme, thank you so very much;-) Really pleased my efforts paid off.

Tina xx

Cavalcaderl | May 4, 2010 - 20:28

new Silver-Spun-Sand
really lovely poem the
last stanza is good,for me
Leaving me-
stickler for detail
that I am a black and white
Image of an unmade bed...
crumpled sheets
stained silver by the moon.
great images.
last line were you or who
out by the moon,say camping.
Have I got it wrong!
julie x

Silver Spun Sand | May 4, 2010 - 22:23

Julie - thank you for reading.

The beauty of poetry is that each reader takes what he or she does from the poem. I am more than pleased that you gave it its own personal identity. That can never be wrong.

Tina x