He never meant to harm that girl. He wouldn’t hurt nobody. Still lives with his mum. Good to her, he is; takes her shopping most every Friday. They’re in the fishmongers, right, and she fancies skate for tea.
He says, “Put your purse away, Mum. It’s my treat.”
The ‘gentle giant’ everyone calls him. Known him years.
Saturday nights we have a couple of jars down the ‘Wellington’. He’d seen this bird in there a few times before and they’d eyed each other up. Anyhow, this particular Saturday she walks in dolled up to the nines. They ‘click’, if you get my drift, and he takes her home – says she could use some company. Invites him to stay the night.
He says, “OK then. You sure, love?”
She was and so he does, and then one thing leads to another. Know what I mean? The following afternoon, that’s when your lot barge in. Arrest him – march him down the nick and he calls me on the mobile.
Look, he’s just a regular bloke. Dressed to kill, she was. A misunderstanding, that’s all. She just never says, “No” or “Yes,” not that he recalls. Anyway, ain’t that what Saturday nights are for?
Comments
MistakenMagic | October 12, 2009 - 16:58
This is brilliant, a sort of dramatic monologue. You have a gift for creating great narrators! I can hear the voice in my head. Such a sad tale but one definitely worth a cherry ;)
Magic xxx
Ewan | October 12, 2009 - 17:13
Is this a redraft? I'm sure you had a different (longer) version before (of course, I could be going bonkers:-))
Silver Spun Sand | October 12, 2009 - 17:54
Thank you so much, Magic. I do struggle with prose, so this was indeed a beneficial exercise for me. Really pleased you enjoyed it.
Tina xxx
Silver Spun Sand | October 12, 2009 - 18:00
Yes, Ewan, you are dead right. It started life a couple of years ago now as, 'Nice Night for it". It always bugged me because I never could get it quite right. The IP was a marvellous incentive for me to rethink it and take it back to basics.
And you, going bonkers, Ewan? Never! My thanks for your interest;-)
Tina
insertponceyfre... | October 12, 2009 - 18:00
I really enjoyed it - the language flowed along very easily
sarah wilson | October 12, 2009 - 18:15
I found it compelling and I have to admit, uncomfortable at the end. Brilliant write to make me 'feel' that way. xx
Nathan Bednarek | October 12, 2009 - 21:59
Brilliant! A wonderful little story. This really encouraged me to give the IP a go. I shall in the near future.
A very interesting read. Somewhat of a short study of human behaviour. You explored so much in just 200 words! Now that's masterful! Well done!
Nathan xox
SundaysChild | October 13, 2009 - 02:39
Yes a very well written piece.
Well done.
Silver Spun Sand | October 13, 2009 - 12:56
That's really great! Glad you liked it and thanks for letting me know;-)
Silver Spun Sand | October 13, 2009 - 12:58
Sarah, I found your comment more than helpful. It is always rewarding if one has managed to convey an actual atmosphere and 'feeling' as you say.
My thanks to you.
Tina xx
Silver Spun Sand | October 13, 2009 - 13:01
Hey, Nathan - that's brilliant! (And I see you have already posted it.)
Well done for that and thanks for letting me know you enjoyed my little story;-)
Tina xox
Silver Spun Sand | October 13, 2009 - 13:01
Your comment very much appreciated and I thank you;-)
Tina
Cavalcaderl | October 14, 2009 - 18:15
New Silver-spun-sand
well done on the well
deserved cherry!
sorry didn't comment
not sure if it's real
but certainly life sometimes.
julie xx cavalcader (:-