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Box

Posted by smokejack on October 21, 2009 - 18:36

Box

Pick a box any box
Live in it
Move into a bigger one
Store everything you have in other boxes

Pick a box
Drive in it
Feel alive in it
Get a bigger box
Or a faster box

Pick a Box
Work in it
Meet other workers in it
Move to a more ambitious box
A box that has a ladder in it

Box Clever
Go to a box that is full of smart people
Who want a better box than you
You might wish for a box with character
Your friends might want something brand new

Everyday
Every year
Wherever you go
Your box is near
Waiting for you

Despite the irony
And the stupid imagery
We do live
We do work
We do drive
We do survive
In a box

Four walls a lid and a floor
Who could ever want for more
It’s not for me to question why
We choose a box in which to die

©SJ2009

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Comments

RobertGardner | October 26, 2009 - 22:11

HI

I love the idea, and the start of it. For me you drag the idea out a little too long. Particularly the sixth verse is a step too far for me. I think you should write the end so that it follows the structure more of the first two verses (which I love)but incorporates the idea of the coffin. 3 verses would be perfect. eg

Box

Pick a box any box
Live in it
Move into a bigger one
Store everything you have in other boxes

Pick a box
Drive in it
Feel alive in it
Get a bigger box
Or a faster box

Pick a box
Pick any box
lie it in
die in it
pick any box

Just a personal suggestion. Good going though, thanks for letting me read it.

smokejack | October 27, 2009 - 07:16

'the world would be a better place if the parents had to eat the sprouts'

Hi Robert

thanks for the compliment and advice. I wrote that piece very quickly and maybe you're right it is a bit long for the subject matter. I think though I'l leave it as it is mainly becasue I'm lazy!!

Thanks again.

Mangone | October 28, 2009 - 18:22

I love it!