The wind carried his smell
To her
Catching her memory
And lifting her desire.
The wind carried his smell
To her
And she longed once more
To ride on his bed
To feel his breath
In her mouth.
The wind carried his smell
To her
Til she recalled the heat
Of their passion
And the once sweet comfort
Of his words.
But the echo of his voice
Wrapped tight around her heart,
Drawing out the last of her.
Leaving her
Cold.
And the wind
Carried his smell to her
Comments
Doeslittle | May 7, 2008 - 18:55
Clever in the sense that we are easily misled by memory fleetingly and then we remember more fully, just like here and remembering by smell and feeling a longing and then recalling what that person has said and done and having an emotional shift. Well, that's how I read it anyway. Very good.
sunshine | May 8, 2008 - 17:05
thanks - you read it as intended. Margot
animan | May 9, 2008 - 02:23
Yeah, this is cool. I wasn't sure about 'smell' though, particularly as it comes up 4 times. For me, but maybe it's because I'm a relatively unregenerate bloke, it carries resonances of cheesy feet etc. etc!! I wondered about 'scent' as an alternative, but not 'his scent' (at least not the first time), but rather the 'scent of him'. I quite like scent as it is quite animal without carrying a potentially negative connotation. 'Odour', of course, definitely not. Alternatively maybe one could describe the smell in terms of image (rather than any (brute/brut) reality!)? (On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't be doing this at 3.20 in the morning?!)
sunshine | May 9, 2008 - 07:14
you echo my thoughts - I came back to it and considered scent and nearly changed it, then I nearly changed the gender as scent seemed more reminiscent of a woman (am I being sexist?)and I had been going for the more 'earthy' feeling. The concept of cheesy feet hadn't occurred to me at all -but now I can't escape it! Then I nearly deleted it. So I did go to bed. Glad you didn't - I think I was waiting for someone to tell me this. I'm still not sure about what I favour though. thanks Margot
animan | May 9, 2008 - 21:10
How about this?: First 'smell' change to 'sense', second 'smell' keep as is; third 'smell' change to 'being'; final 'smell' change to 'life'. I'm sure you won't agree but am enjoying exploring this - as it explores the nature of being, and I feel that to reduce being to smell is a diminution of what once was here even if there is extant anger and regret.