Bee Keeper

My daddy keeps bees cos he says he likes honey;
it’s a little like jam only it’s not so runny.
He dresses in space gear, with a helmet and suit
And me and mum laugh and pretend to salute.

I remember one day when he got really mad;
he shouted and screamed and he made mummy sad
and Mrs. Malarkey, our neighbour next door,
got really upset when he called her a whore

Then Mr. Malarkey came out; he went spare
and broke a big hole in the fence with a chair.
Daddy kept shouting and stripping his kit
then Mrs. Malarkey got stung on her tit

She ripped all her clothes off and ran round and round
then jumped in the fish pond; I thought she was drowned.
There was nothing but bubbles for such a long time
‘til she came out, covered in frog spawn and slime.

The police turned up, in the midst of it all
and the Cop asked mum, ‘Is this an orgy or brawl?’
cos Mrs. Malarkey and daddy were nude
and Mr. Malarkey was screaming, ‘You’re screwed!’

He had one hand squeezing his wife’s bitten breast
while ripping his shorts off, like a man possessed.
He roared as the lady ‘policeman’ did pass,
‘Give me your truncheon; there’s one up my arse!’

I could see, dad wasn’t having much fun
He was shouting, ‘There’s no fucking smoke in my gun.
The bastards are mad now’, was one of his calls,
Along with, ‘I’ve got twenty stings on my balls!’

The Malarkeys and dad were all taken away
and mummy told me to stay inside and play
she got rather mad, when I asked her, ‘How come,
that Mr. Malarkey, had such a red bum?’

There’s a photo of dad in the paper today
under a heading that said, ‘Perverts at play;
policeman states, ‘it was most irregular
and more like a scene from Rome’s ‘Caligula’

I got sent away for a couple of weeks
and asked lots of weird questions by really weird geeks.
When I got back home, all the bee-hives had gone
So had the Malarkeys; mum said they’d moved on.

Dad bought me some rabbits and we built a hutch
but I heard mum say that she don’t like them much.
I watched them and I really have to admit;
all they seem to do is just eat, hump and shit!

And I miss the honey ;)