Come on Bob, really?

They wanted to show me some
Italian TV
so they put on a programme
about a family
of three kids, all adults
and a Mother
who cried a lot

There was a live studio audience
the three kids
wore lots of make-up, sharp clothes
and clean pure expressions

They also wore
bright yellow microphones
on the side of their faces
a throwback to the eighties

On the sofa
sat side by side
they looked like sad pilots
trying to land a plane

Then they wheeled out
Robert De Niro
I couldn’t believe it
De Niro!
majestic looking, grey beard
whitish scruffy hair
slightly dishevelled
but as charming as ever
a translator sat behind him
whispering in his ear

Then a video was played
a fake postman
who looked like he’d walked off the set
of a catwalk shoot
for uniforms
delivered a letter to the Mother
- an invite to the show
the lead up to the big reveal
had begun

De Niro was hidden behind a screen
with the kids
now all complete with customary
wet cheeks
the Mother was brought on
she began weeping before anything had even happened
then followed thirty minutes
of bullshit talk
the host milked it to death
the host
who wore a glittering gown
and the tightest face
anyone has ever seen
on a pensioner

Family photos were projected
onto the sides of
plastic Swans
a little nugget of vomit
sat in my throat

Finally
De Niro was wheeled back on
he began to join in
with the communal tear fest
it was sad
but not in the way intended

It was hard not to be cynical
watching one of the world’s greatest actors
weep
at such hollow drivel
the Mother hadn’t had such a hard life
her kids were beautiful and sweet
they had all their limbs!
so her husband cheated
join the club

They hug
it’s awful
they say a few words to each other
through the perched and poised
translator
- of course
he gives her a Paulo Cohelo book
someone from the right side of the screen
just out of shot
pushes a trolley table
in front of them
it has a basket with two wine glasses on it
they pour from a bottle
they raise a toast
we laugh
bemused
and wonder how much they’re paying

We change the channel
but the saturated images
stay with us
until we sleep