Tonight I Sleep in a Place called Lissone

Just north of Monza
we are picked up at the train station
by a man
called Livio
her Zio, her Uncle
he has a small moustache
slight beard, a tight nose
and kind eyes
It’s a hot day
and there’s B.O in the air

We drive a bit
get tangled in traffic jams
we go to the supermarket
Livio is one of six
the eldest
sheepish like the others
traumatised by their Mother
we buy many things
including German beer and cheap pizza
- of all the pizza in this country
we buy the worst

Back at his two tier flat
we lay a dirty table
with a filthy table cloth
red wine and gravy spots
he gets the oven going
and burns his hand in the process
he prepares some brown salad leaves
I don’t understand much
but I hear the word
‘Larve’
as he washes it under the tap
and chops it up with scissors
he wraps the ‘good’ cuttings
in a stained tea towel
he’s wearing ripped boxer shorts
and an old red Peace Corps t-shirt
he stands on the balcony
flying and whipping
bad bits of lettuce around his head
he is sane
but I’m not sure if I will be for much longer
if we continue to stay here

I’m handed a plate
from a half empty cupboard
it’s chipped
and yellow
it should be white
I’m pretty sure it used to be white
we eat
it’s not the best
he describes it as “an empty sandwich”
he’s not far wrong
he pours me cloudy white wine
which tastes a little
like cider

I don’t want to eat the salad
she makes her excuses
and leaves it well alone
I can’t
I feel bad
he tried so hard
I build up the courage
reach over to the communal bowl
grab a fork full
and stuff it in
by the time I’ve finished chewing
I’ve made a decision

I’ve decided
to grow the fuck up
this is a kind man
a good man
he bought me a meal
and has given me a roof over my head
for tonight
image is bull
surface is shit
I eat another mouthful
make sure he sees me doing it
smile
as I swallow I catch sight of
his white hairy thigh
and think
“oh well...
so be it”

After we’ve finished eating
I insist I wash up
I wash his plate, I wash his cup
I wipe his murky sink
I see myself from the inside
and I know
there’s more to me than snobbery
and
there’s not much more to life
than this