I'm Nigel

Ahhhhhh, a weight has been lifted - and it's not a dumbell, dumbo! It's a fine sunny autumnal day and I've just arrived back from my Aunty's. She's been ill for 4 weeks. She hasn't really, and I haven't just arrived back from her house. Actually I don't speak to any of my Aunty's because I don't know who they are. We used to go to visit them on a Sunday when I was a kid, but I've lost touch with them over the years. Uncle Tom used to get his rubic's cube out and I'd sit there and play with it whilst keeping one eye on 'The Day of the Triffids.' My Aunty Mildred made everyone tea and used to chuckle, "Ooooooo, he has tea? Hehehehehe, I didn't think he'd have tea. Coke or Lemonade or something. Do you want some coke or Lemonade? How long's he been drinking tea, Joan?" I've always liked tea - ever since I was a young boy of 6 and upwards. I found a sticker once, it said, "Put the kettle on, Mother, I'm parched!" So I stuck it on the cupboard above the kettle and it became a running joke in our house. Everyone thought I was a bit strange. My mum bought me a keyring when I was 15, it read, "I'm not weird, I'm gifted." Everyone had such a laugh when they saw that keyring, they said, "That's you that is, Nigel, that's you!" Anyway, as I was saying, a weight has been lifted. It's been 4 years in the gutter for me. Been kicked, stamped on, even pissed on a couple of times. What am I? A crisp packet, *laughs*. Nah, I'm only joking, I was the tin foil off a packet of polos and I got wrapped around a grid and just stayed there forever, *laughs*. I'd better go because someone just knocked at the door.