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Haiku 1- Ice

Posted by Yazmin on March 1, 2009 - 15:43

Lake frozen solid
Caressing your skates
Wait for the adrenaline

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Comments

Ewan | March 5, 2009 - 19:01

Hi Yazmin,

you need to decapitalise 'adrenaline'.

A personal opinion is that it's better not to capitalise the first word in a line in a haiku.

I count 8 syllables in your second line...
why not put a colon after 'skates' (caesura achieved that way) and put

'wait for
the adrenaline!'

Keep writing
Ewan

Yazmin | March 6, 2009 - 17:29

Thanks Ewan
I listened to your advice and made some changes
Yaz

threeleafshamrock | May 31, 2009 - 14:54

The sentiment and imagery is brilliant; really good, keep it up.

Chris XX