Sandwich versus Stiletto

I'm in mourning for my sandwich,
Which fell under your stiletto,
Thankfully, I managed to salvage
My carton of Kiwi Gelato.

I have to say your reaction,
Wasn't very nice,
Using gestures of a common sort,
Not just once, but twice.

And while we're on the subject,
I really have to say,
Your language is deplorable,
Telling me to BLANK off and BLANK away.

What's more, it's not a common prawn sandwich,
And I think that you should know,
That's a superior grade of granary bread,
You're scraping off your toe.

The prawns have swum from Iceland,
And I don't mean the store,
The butter is organic,
And the mayonnaise top drawer.

Now you're threatening me with legal costs,
Talk of law suits and such,
Can you prove you've a twisted ankle,
That you'll always need a crutch?

Your black shoes are not ruined,
Damaged beyond repair.
What sort of shoemaker,
Makes shoes you cannot wear?

Let's be reasonable adults,
And settle this out of court,
My Selfridges' sandwich cost £4.99,
And a tenner for your shoes, I'd have thought.

Look dear, don't try it on with me,
All those noughts for one paltry shoe,
How can it have cost four thousand pounds,
And who the hell is Jimmy Choo?