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Water in my lungs

Posted by Beeme on February 24, 2011 - 00:24

I'm fighting just to breathe, like the air in this house is water in my lungs. Soon they might let me out, soon I may even be able to breathe in real air; outside the realms of captivity. But do I dare to dream that far? Here within the bloody realm of your kingdom; my pain is instinctive; like filtering oxygen from the air. Every day there is a new reason to shed a tear. But you do not care- the indigo bruises on my knees shine like your brandished badges of honour.

The books are new I can smell their fresh over-powering odour. They contain a new set of rules which I must follow. The crowds outside sing; almost chanting like the rhythm of a heartbeat. But this house and others like it are the real organs- the oil in the machine. And the crowds inside are inspecting, circling it like its fresh meat; tenderizing to meet approval.

The silence here is worse, the tutting of your tongue loud and fierce like wind battering trees. 'What ever next?' its too much to take in at once. A breeze pushes the the hair from my face. I imagine it, here-the land of the free like America. I'm walking down the street alone, the heat of the sun cupping my face in her hands. The shade of the burqa languishing slightly.

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Comments

seashore | February 24, 2011 - 09:20

Beeme - this is great. I particularly like:

`my pain is instinctive.....'

Beeme | February 24, 2011 - 09:49

Thank you very much Seashore, glad you thought so.

Beeme xx

MistakenMagic | February 24, 2011 - 23:05

'Here within the bloody realm of your kingdom; my pain is instinctive; like filtering oxygen from the air. Every day there is a new reason to shed a tear. But you do not care-'

These lines flow so beautifully, Beeme, with lovely internal rhymes. Well done!

Magic xxx

Beeme | February 25, 2011 - 12:05

Thank you very much Magicm glad you enjoyed :)

Beeme xx

Silver Spun Sand | February 25, 2011 - 12:05

This is beautiful, Beeme, and I can see you have been choosing your punctuation thoughtfully and carefully. Just one suggestion in the last sentence of the last paragraph, you could add far more weight to it, thus:-

"I'm walking down the street alone, the heat of the sun cupping my face in her hands. The shade of the burqa languishing slightly.

I'm not sure if that is how you intended it to be read, so I may be changing the sense of it incorrectly, and if so, just ignore me;-)

A fine piece.

Tina xx

insertponceyfre... | February 25, 2011 - 17:38

I like this beeme - especially the ambiguity - it works very well in this piece. I hope you're enjoying your switch from prose to poetry!

Beeme | February 26, 2011 - 12:42

Thank you very much, I like the suggested change of punctuation at the end. Thanks for reading and commenting, really happy you enjoyed this :)

Beeme xx

Beeme | February 26, 2011 - 12:43

Thank you Insert, glad you enjoyed and yes I am :)

Beeme xx

Silver Spun Sand | February 26, 2011 - 14:01

Yep - I think that works splendidly now, Beeme. Well done again;-)

Tina xx

Beeme | February 26, 2011 - 16:24

Thank very much Tina :)

Beeme xx