Fucking Penguins.

Catching up at last with your work, celticman.
I enjoyed this.

Ahh, how I yearn for Bucky in a brown bag.

I think you have chosen a tricky one to start off with Celticman and you have done a pretty darn good job of it.
The problem with any poetic form (other than free verse) is that it's restrictive in some way and if you are starting off, it seems to me the less restrictions the better. Even free vesre has to have some form though otherwise it's just unconnected lines on a page. I use a lot of half rhyme and internal rhyme and very rarely worry about formalities (same number of lines in a stanza etc) and start of by writing a kind of poetry/story that I pare down until it looks and sounds like just a poem. If you like the rhythm thing go for Iambic Pentameters but have a read of Browning's My Last Duchess to see how to make it seem less formulaic by using enjambment etc, which also makes the simple rhyme scheme less visible - it's brilliantly done.

Thanks for the read and sorry for rambling.

I think this is quite brilliant for someone who hasn't tried it before- well done celtic. If it feels like a poem it is one.
;)Pia

Hi ScoZen I'm having a blind stab at poetry.

Fatboy thank you so much. I'm just trying another way of writing to see how it feels see and what it can teach me. I'll have a look online to see if I can find Browning's Last Duchess. It might be in my library, but probably not. I'll try another poem next week, what form should it take?

Highhat, very kind and much appreciated.

got Last Duchess online. Thanks Fatboy.

It reads quite like rap to me. Esp with this kind of rhyme: 'vinegar for voice' with 'remarketing of choice'.

Straying into Amis territory with the material. I'm not suggesting he has a monopoly on being controversial (though he is near genius at it, as witness the latest 'I'd-only-write-for-children-if-I-were-brain-damaged' hoo-ha). Still, you'd have to be a brave man to stand up and read this to some audiences...

Maybe the Penguins scariest of all ?

Hey ashb a brain damaged penguin that writes rap? Thanks for reading. Just a rant really.

Oh dear. I didn't mean it like that, honest ;)

Tempted to post the Amis link just to prove it, but perhaps too diversionary.

Anyway your rant was fine by me. didnt even notice it was a villanelle at first, but I've read they were songs (or songlike things) once, so maybe not as far apart from rap as it might seem...

Brillantly done. Just started experimenting with poetry myself, so I can appreciate the huge effort that went into this.

Neil

Hey Neil (capote) thanks for that. I'm trying in lots of ways.

I agree with Ashb - it does read like a rap. The repetition of those two lines works well.

Thanks Dynamaso. rap on!