The nurse and I are accruing material for the plot of a sensational novel. Actually, it’s my job, I edit her words accordingly. Actually the nurse has little idea of what I’m doing, but the nurse is not surrounded by reptilians anymore, so that’s a good sign. The nurse thinks she knows what I’m up to. How can she possibly know, when I don’t even know anything apart from the fact we ARE accruing material for the plot of a sensational novel (her words)? Who’s kidding whom? I tell you, fellow readers, it’s not I (whom could I kid?) It’s not the nurse either (who could kid her?) I have no idea who is kidding you. But whom do YOU kid? None of my business (or is it?).. And my business is to accrue material for the plot of a sensational novel. (is it really my business?).. The other day the nurse was talking to a friend of hers on the cellphone. I immediately wrote down the line I heard: “raise your coconut bra in jubilation!” I said to myself, this is a very original line. I don’t particularly like this friend of hers. She is rather spooky. I avoid hanging out with spooky guys and gals. I hate wrestling with my conscience later, while listening to Japanese jazz. Wait a minute, I think I hear voices …
Neighbour 1. “FAME FAME AT LAST, but i won't let it go to my head oh no”
Neighbour 2. “I should just invest in edible furniture”
Neighbour 3. “Keep an eye on the dog's poo”
Neighbour 4, 5 and 6. “At least that will take your mind off the strange goings on at the trailer park, I hear the nurse has got a penpal from outer Mongolia and has been seen walking around the edge of town with a three legged whippet and a copy of Wuthering Heights, and that they tell me isn't even the half of it...”
I 1. Who's there?
I 2. Answersbody, from the monocle shop. I brought nothing, which is what you ordered.
Comments
bolomeds | September 28, 2009 - 10:00
Huh, typical. I don't think you should wrideabout stuff like this. I have a nurse and neighbours and some of my friends do too. My pop lost a hatfulla money in the Susquehanna Edible Furniture Swindle of 1983, so I don't think that's funny either, Mr Crackersville.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 10:04
Indeed, how about "not funny at all humor" then?
bolomeds | September 28, 2009 - 10:10
Well, OK then, I kinda liked the whippet. Say what is that, anyway? Some kinda raccoon?
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 10:25
I'll give you a hint: it starts with a d and doesn't meow.
bolomeds | September 28, 2009 - 10:27
That'd be a dolphin, right?
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 10:30
I'll give you another hint: It starts with a d, doesn't meow and doesn't live in water.
bolomeds | September 28, 2009 - 10:33
A drome.... drum... hell, some type of camel?
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 10:38
You like camels don't you? Lie down on the couch, we'll get to the core of your existential anxieties.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 10:38
This couch please.
bolomeds | September 28, 2009 - 10:43
Exis- whu'. Din't yore momma tell yuh not ta talk dirty?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5dnCvGdnr0
FTSE100 | September 28, 2009 - 11:30
A tawdry yet exhilarating journey to the heart of the human soul. A terrifying joust with inverted demons. In the words of the arresting officer, a small thing but your own. Quite good, on the whole.
chuck | September 28, 2009 - 13:35
Funny you should say that FTSE. I see it as a heartwarming saga of one man's journey into his nurses's underwear.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 15:59
No, but my grandson Will. Thanks for the video ;-)
Chuck-EL, Baron of Fajitas, thanks for your comments. *winks while laughing while rolling on the trailer's stinky carpet while getting up and while falling on his manly knees again and while deciding never to get up on his manly feet again or wink again his right or left manly eye or laugh while rolling and while screaming "my manly kingdom for a spatula"*
chuck | September 28, 2009 - 16:10
You're welcome Crackersville. Hope I spelt nurses's right.
steven00 | September 28, 2009 - 16:12
For crying out loud.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 16:17
Hope! Always hope Chuck.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 16:27
I've edited this piece for crying out loud.
steven00 | September 28, 2009 - 16:42
A ghastly mistake.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 16:57
I've. Again.
FTSE100 | September 28, 2009 - 17:25
You must be the toilet duck that became a toilet swan.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 17:33
Everything happens for a meta-nihilistic reason, son.
FTSE100 | September 28, 2009 - 17:35
Your word for today is crepuscular. And the word is: terpsichorean, a crepuscular word indeed. Use it sparingly and go easy on the mayonnaise.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 18:11
I thought my word for today would be crêperie.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 18:12
My fault I never read any word you write after the first four letters.
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 18:57
Dad's word for toda is crep (FTSE's memo as memorized by his dad (me), which (memo and its steadfast, regular and irreproachable memorization) affects the sales of monocles and the weather in Lisbon. Lately, it may affect Steven00's anagrams too.)
Crackersville | September 28, 2009 - 19:09
And your dancing video for tonight son, is the following: Louis Defunes. Go easy on the side curls.
FTSE100 | September 28, 2009 - 22:14
How would they ever explain that on Mars, dad?
Fandango. I forgot to mention that. I had to come all the way back from all the way forward to remind myself to remember it. Better safe than mattress, I always say.
steven00 | September 28, 2009 - 22:52
I'm gasping for an anagram. Anagram itself is an anagram of margana, a cross between fata morgana and margarine. (OED, King James authorised version, p.45,537,826)
FTSE100 | September 28, 2009 - 22:57
But does it take a dagesh forte or a dagesh lene? Ewan would know.
Crackersville | September 29, 2009 - 01:07
How gently you shock the Synod with your marginal seriousness!
FTSE100 | September 29, 2009 - 01:46
Rock the boat, dad. Rock it like a rocket. Synod is an anagram of dynos, which is half a dinosaur. All very well in its own way, but would you want your sister to marry one? I thought not.
Ewan | September 29, 2009 - 07:27
You want a vet? Oi ba a boi! See I mixed them up already.
Rabbi Klutz