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Closer to death

Posted by Highhat on October 14, 2011 - 18:56

I used to be somebody
Now I’m someone else
I would work my fingers
to the bone
Burn down towns
Leave my lovers at home
and never feel alone
I’d sing songs
and dance to the music
smoke cigarettes
sitting on a milk crate in the yard
arrange the garbage cans
and pick wild flowers in the meadow
I thought love was easy
All you had to do was be in two
places at the same time
Sometimes
I’d leave it all to grow by itself
Then someone grabbed hold of me
and told me it wasn’t true
So I left all that behind
and joined the big big world
of someone else’s reality
Became someone else
and threw it all away
Forever
Now I am a lion at times
Never a mouse
and I don’t fall into traps
and don’t trip up others
Now I’m closer to death
than before
and I know it

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Comments

Chinobus | October 14, 2011 - 21:15

I like this poem, good story and rhythm!

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 06:16

glad you enjoyed Chinobus. Thanks for telling me..

;)Pia

insertponceyfre... | October 15, 2011 - 08:01

this is very good Pia

Silver Spun Sand | October 15, 2011 - 08:12

An impassioned write, Pia, and as Chinobus has pointed out, the rhythm serves to drive its point home, more than effectively.

Tina;-)

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 08:26

Thank you very much Insert. Glad you liked it

;)Pia

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 08:26

Thanks for the cherry ;)

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 08:27

Really appreciate your words Tina- thank you so much

;)Pia

skinner_jennifer | October 15, 2011 - 09:22

Hi Pia,

I agree that this piece moves along nicely and is
easy to read with a good rhythm like Tina said. I
also admire the fact you can write a piece so well
without the full stops and commas, that is an
achievement in itself.

Congratulations on the well deserved cherries.

Jenny.

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 11:05

Thank you very much Jenn- I am not good at punctuation so I tend to disregard it completely- a bit sloppy I suppose- ;0

;)Pia

skinner_jennifer | October 15, 2011 - 11:49

Hi again Pia,

I don't think it's sloppy at all, as far as I'm
concerned it make it more original...more your own
style.

Jenny.

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 11:51

That was kind of you to say Jenny- I take it all in thanks..sometimes punctuation isn't all that necessary I think and I am so pleased that I got the meaning in the poem across despite the lack of same.

;)Pia

fatboy74 | October 15, 2011 - 14:16

This is really good Pia and so is you china town one - you should try and bottle this creative outburst. :-)

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 15:35

Gee willikers Fatboy- if only I could bottle it! The next ones will be terrible I'm sure.

;)Pia

ScoZen | October 15, 2011 - 16:03

Hej Highhat.

"...Now I am a lion at times..."

Now go "...and dance to the music..." and let us hear you roar.

Highhat | October 15, 2011 - 16:52

I'd hate to spoil the tender tones with my roar ScoZen but thanks anyway.

;)Pia

chasing.parked.cars. | October 19, 2011 - 00:54

Loving the sense of individuality. Great explanation of transitional writing.
chasing.parked.cars.

Highhat | October 19, 2011 - 04:24

Thanks CPC

SundaysChild | October 21, 2011 - 09:51

Excellent Pia x

Highhat | October 21, 2011 - 13:56

Thanks Sundays- glad you thought so ;D

;)Pia

Overthetop1 | October 24, 2011 - 05:58

This is brilliant Pia. Well-deserved cherry.

Highhat | October 24, 2011 - 13:37

Thank you very much OTT-nice comment- I appreciate it..

Ryanrey | January 19, 2012 - 20:33

Great poem, Pia. The flow is very natural and the emotion really leaps off the page.

Highhat | January 19, 2012 - 21:23

Thanks for reading and commenting Ryanrey...cool

;)Pia