Melancholia

Hi Pia,
This is a very strange poem, I don't quite know what
to say about it, it seems to be a mixture of emotions.
Jenny.

the underlying emotion, Jenny, does not really show I think. Yes a lot of words but it was mainly a feeling of being melancholy with a sort of a devil in me at the same time. Yes strange ;)
pia

its the lack of grammar... and it works, especially in conveying free thought. But perhaps, taking through the mill of the mind, body and soul might add to it... just a thought.

Thank you alphadog- just had a look over it and did my best!!
pia ;)

it is better but do you think it's better... ;0) I grind mine through 4 stages... my pcs full of half stories incomplete poems, a liturgy of fury, compassion and drunken apology's...if you see what I mean. I loved it both with grammar and without. I do love your turn of phrase. Those first two sentences grab my heart. good job.
On other thoughts, I considered writing my poetry under a pseudonym, I have even had her name running through my head... after all, my work might have a little more credibility if people thought it was written by a lithe, Gothic influenced lesbian from Chicago; rather than a semi-balding middle aged fat man from Steyning on the south coast of England.

I'm not sure about pseudonyms. You can't know who's behind it, anyway.
I really appreciate your comment. Thanks. Really glad you liked it. I wasn't too sure as there was a little devil in me when I wrote it ;) But I think the punctuation did make it a bit better. Thanks for highlighting it
pia ;)

Yeah. but don't we use other nick names here? I think I will use the name I have in my head for something else... It wouldn't be going around in there if its not for a reason.

Wow this poem is spooky Pia, I like it anyway,
especially these pictures,
fleets of jet black clouds
cumulating
on the horizon
of infinity.
Rain splashing teardrops
Of indolence upon
my shattered dreams,
uttering husky treats of anarchy.
Left alone in the
steamy mist of recognition,
Its like a dramatic theatre movie thing! K :)

alphadog1- You have already described the character, she could become a story? K

That's what I thought too Kahdai- (re: alphadog )

Kahdai- thanks for the comment.
pia;)

how can you describe melancholy? the poem does it beautifully the whole point is to be kind of mixed up and raving you did it brilliantly
;)

great thanks that is really rewarding because you captured my whole feeling of mixed emotions. Thank you darkenwolf for the comment ;)