Ignorance will kill your children
Let’s call her Mrs or maybe Ms. They never got married. Then he moved away and they had separate households. He moved back and they got a terrace house on the housing estate. It was more posh to live there than in the tenement flats on the other side of the street. Well you did have a house with two levels but really you didn’t have more space. She’s called Mrs because they had a child and you are called Mrs when you have a child as a matter of respect because it’s not as respectful having a child if you are not married. Well it wasn’t at the time.
Anyway Mrs Nobrain was really stupid. I mean dumb, ignorant, a complete fool. Mr Nobrain was a bit more intelligent and he had a job as a mailman and he liked it and was very dutiful. I wouldn’t want to spend all my waking hours at home with Mrs Nobrain so I suppose he was better off at work.
Then they were separated again and he moved away. This time for good. The baby boy stayed with her. Poor mite and that is exactly what he became : a poor little mite and later, a sorry adult.
Mrs Nobrain was very fat-obese to tell the truth. So she decided that she wanted an operation. The sort where the surgeons put a hose in your stomach. That is what they used to do. So she got her operation and then she started to lose weight. After a while she was down to a normal size.
In the meanwhile her son was growing up. The boy had special needs so he went to special schools and never learned much. He seemed pretty happy. She didn’t seem to know anything other than he was born that way. She wasn’t aware that he was lacking stimuli on the home front so she just continued smoking her many cigarettes and feeling good about her weight and her terrace house.
As things came to pass he was referred to an institution. It was so sad because really Mr and Mrs Nobrain didn’t know anything about kids and how to raise them and love them and treat them well. I suppose she scolded him for not being able to put 2 and 2 together. I don’t really think that she could do the same, now I think of it.
Then she said that he was in the wrong institution and that all the others were much worse off than him. But she never did anything about it. He grew up. He had lost a lot of initiative- he had never learnt it at home by the way. So he refused to get out of his bed and his chair and ate a whole lot. Soon he was also very fat but because he wouldn’t bother to move about he ended up fat and in a wheelchair. Poor young man. He wasn’t really satisfied but he didn’t know what was wrong or what he, himself, could do about his plight. I don’t really think that he wished to know as he was quite happy being dissatisfied. So he stayed put in his wheelchair and needed a lot of care. He stayed in the institution and that’s where he is today and his Mum keeps telling us that she wants him to move home again and that she will be able to help him and care for all his needs. Fat chance. He can’t even go to the can himself- he doesn’t wish to walk the silly boy! She’ll never get him home. She is pretty dewy -eyed. She may even outlive him! That is the saddest bit about it though he won’t know what hit him despite his suffering. You know I don’t want to talk to her because it makes me so sad and I blame her. I really don’t wish to talk about it anymore.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | June 22, 2011 - 15:20
This is a really sad story you relate, Pia, and as you say, more than frustrating. Maybe it helped some - writing it down. I hope so;-)
Tina
Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 15:28
Tina it has been bottled up inside for too long and now it is out. I hope noone chops my head off because of it. Thanks for reading Tina.
;)Pia
Overthetop1 | June 22, 2011 - 15:45
I really liked this Pia - it was real, very thought provoking and just goes to show that there should be numerous exams for people that want to have kids!Though that probably sounds really reactionary!
skinner_jennifer | June 22, 2011 - 16:06
A very, very sad story Pia.
I cannot imagine a situation like this, even though
I know it's out there, but you have written this so
well.
Jenny.
insertponceyfre... | June 22, 2011 - 17:04
yes - it is a very sad story Pia. A couple of things: a terraced house is always joined to other houses, so you don't need to say so. The word retarded isn't really used anymore to describe someone with special needs. It's more of an insult these days, and I don't think you mean it to be here, do you?
Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 17:09
thanks OTT and I think it could be quite hard work bringing up 2 sons but I did love it and really tried my hardest- you go out of your way for those kids don't you. I'm a pretty proud Mother today because son no.2 passed all his finals yesterday and got his graduation cap. The exams were a bit stressing though also for me-maybe more for me than him. Haha
thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
;)Pia
Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 17:11
Yes Jenny- it is a truly sad story. Poor kid- such a heartbreaker- Yes they are out there indeed and you just don't know what to do half the time!!!
thank you very much for reading- you know I appreciate it immensly.
;)Pia
Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 17:16
Okay Insert- got that right then. Thanks a lot. Really kind of you to help me like that. Okay- I don't want to insult anybody really so I'll change it to special needs and care. I had a feeling it was out of the vocab but wasn't sure. Don't you use it anymore. I don't think it as condescending or an insult but then.....
We are so careful nowadays- we don't say a spade is a spade anymore do we?
;)Pia
insertponceyfre... | June 22, 2011 - 17:26
in the States mainly I think, it's an insult: "you're a retard" "that's so retarded" - a particularly nasty one. If one of my sons said that I'd be really pissed off and tell them so.
I don't think anyone would call a child retarded and just mean they had special needs. I haven't heard it used in that sense for decades. You'd say special needs, or developmentally delayed, or use the word for their specific condition - on the autistic spectrum, downs syndrome - whatever - and if you think about it logically, that's calling a spade a spade, isn't it!
I just read the news about your son's exam results - congratulations!
Overthetop1 | June 22, 2011 - 20:33
Pia congrats to your son - I have a horrible feeling there IS some really atrocious parenting out there - and it is not a job to take lightly - which you have aptly highlighted.
Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 21:24
Insert I think developmentally delayed is exactly the same as retarded. But if you don't use it then that's okay with me. In danish we call it mentally disabled or as you developmenatlly delayed or impaired I think you can translate it that way. They are really tags. I think I prefer special needs. That's a nice way of saying it.
maggyvaneijk | June 22, 2011 - 21:29
wow a striking story. Despite the initial warning sentence the story has a unique tone, slightly playful which makes its content that much more painful.
Highhat | June 23, 2011 - 07:37
Hi Maggy- love your analysis. Was really enlightening. Thanks a lot for reading and commenting.
;)Pia
seashore | June 23, 2011 - 09:18
Pia - a strong and true piece. Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the correct terminology - I worked for many years for an arts and disability charity and the `politically correct' terms changed so frequently that you just got used to one description when it was totally changed again. I always remember one wheelchair user describing herself as a `crip' which made me think why do we bother?
Anyway, enough of that - well done for this!
Coral xx
Highhat | June 23, 2011 - 10:14
I'm sure you are right Coral. I've lost a bit of contact with the english vocab but what is important when you have anything to do with these sort of terms is to be respectful towards the person. That must be the redeeming factor. It's just like saying someone is cuckoo if they are mentally ill. It just shows a bit of ignorance I suppose- not an insult. I suppose I am a bit ignorant as I have never really had much contact with these type of disabilities- Oh yes mentally ill and elderly but it is not an illness to be elderly. I suppose there is also a lot of taboo about disabilities. Thanks for your comment anyway- very kind of you.
;)Pia
Overthetop1 | June 23, 2011 - 10:40
Hi Pia - just wanted to add to what Seashore said as it's quite tricky to get the right terminlogy - & I worked at a mental health charity where there was so much debate around words. It's good if you can get it right and shows respect - but the 'right' words did change quite a bit - and on my first day I was told not to say Mentally ill (even though I preferred that term as thats how I felt during bouts of depression) - you are meant to say mental health problem now- also I was told not to say manic depression but bi - polar. But if someone calls me mentally ill I coulsdn't care less. Psycho is a bit strong though - which was a term the tablloids used a lot!'
Whatevever - just don't lose sight that it's a really stong piece - with a terrific title- that has made us all sit up!
Highhat | June 23, 2011 - 15:02
Hi OTT -Psycho is really crazy anyway isn't it? I mean that is a murderer or someone like that- a father who abuses his daughter or a child molester- wouldn't you say? okay someone with a mental health problem which I incidentally have and it doesn't worry me if people call me mad- even though I have a mild case- my kids respect it and don't call me names but okay no mental illness either. I should have looked it up in my translation dictionary because it is a really good one and tells me a lot of good words that I am uncertain of or maybe even don't know.
Glad you came back to me. You have all been so kind. I am really glad that I have learnt a thing or two with this short tale but really I was so unsure as to whether I had treated the subject too lightly and offensively- it was very difficult to write with the right tone without being judgemental or bias or even condescending.
;)Pia
Overthetop1 | June 23, 2011 - 16:00
I personally don't find mental illness offensive either - and I don't actually think it is - so don't sweat it on that count at all. It just illustrates the kind of web one gets enmeshed in with all this!
You are too right though - psycho is a term of abuse but used to be regularly used by some of the tabloid press to describe someone who actually had a mental health problem/illness. Like I said - I have mental health problems but it doesn't bother me one bit if someone calls me mentally ill - so there you go.
Well - you've had loads of reads and wrtten really well about something that really needed an airing so good on you!