“…They’re going to occupy Monaco?”
I’m not sure I’ve heard correctly – it seems like such an unlikely thing to do, and also I’m stuck behind some idiot doing five miles an hour, so I’m trying to concentrate on that. We’re late too, and listening to the Guns of Brixton at full volume to hurry things along.
“Yeah Monaco. People dodging tax – they all live there you know. Also it’s only about two miles wide so it should be easy”
I start laughing and say something about it having a nice beach for them all to sit on too, while they are in occupation. It will make a pleasant change from snowy Cambridge, or Oxford Street.
My son’s still at home – he doesn’t go back for ages – they seem to have more holidays than term-time at his university. He’s been back so long he’s trashed the house again – it’s a total mess, everywhere. Socks, shoes, boots – why does he need so many pairs? He has more than me! And jackets – all over the fucking place, except hanging on the coat rack of course – oh no, that would be too easy. I had been hoping he’d come back more organised, but in actual fact he seems worse. He does make me laugh though, and I’m glad of that, it takes my mind off things, and if I need to leave at short notice he can feed the cats.
I don’t know yet – I don’t know .. I’ve only had half a reply so far. The other half was coming tomorrow, but tomorrow hasn’t come yet, even though it was a few days ago now. It’s okay though, I understand completely. It’s taken over his life – I can see how it would. He didn’t need to tell me that bit. I am grateful he did though. I’m grateful for everything he told me, even though it’s not good. Three hour lunch breaks, two hour breakfast breaks. How long will it be before.. how patient will they be with him … and for how long? Over there, you lose your job and you’re fucked – stuffed. No safety net. It’s the land of opportunity, but if you fuck up... It’s a pain in the arse: he says that’s the worst thing about it - the tedium– endless endless planning, driving, long waits in dusty parking lots ... and then...
He’s told me… It was brave of him to. I would so much rather know than not. Guns - in his face, and knives, and the whole fucked up seamy side of the American dream. He’s mainlining now – no more skin popping. He says my emails – all those messages I sent – the ones I didn’t even know he’d read – he says they bring him back to reality and remind him what there is to look forward to in the future. After this. I am glad about that.
So I’m waiting for the tomorrow, for when the next part of it comes, and I don’t know, but I’ll go on sending him my love because it’s all I can do. I still want to go there – bring him back. It would take me a couple of days to arrange – I’m good at that kind of thing, but I’m waiting to see if he wants me to. I think maybe something will happen soon. I think it has to.
At the presentation– sitting in the school hall for the last time ever, letting the priest’s boring speech wash over me, staring at the tapestry of the Virgin Mary, slightly crooked on the whitewashed wall, as it’s been all through these past ten years. Has no-one except me ever noticed? A slow procession of students shuffle up one side of the hall – those who’ve already left looking uncomfortable in badly fitting suits, the girls in dresses I think they probably bought for clubbing, not receiving A level certificates. It’s like a factory line – they shake hands with Father Joe, take the buff envelope, turn, and walk down the other side of the hall, looking embarrassed, as the cameras flash and we applaud them one by one. I join in, smiling, clapping.
When it’s over, they all go off to the pub – maybe they’ll discuss their plans for Monaco there, or maybe they’ll just get drunk. I drive back home, to wait for tomorrow.
Comments
insertponceyfre... | January 7, 2011 - 22:23
thanks for the cherry!
MistakenMagic | January 8, 2011 - 19:57
On the flip-side, I think these uni holidays are too long too, insert! I'm desperate to go back! This is another rich and moving piece. I hope that when tomorrow comes it brings encourgaing news :)
Magic xxx
insertponceyfre... | January 8, 2011 - 20:31
when do you go back Magic? Quite a few already have. Thanks for reading - glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the tomorrow wishes too
MistakenMagic | January 8, 2011 - 20:41
Not until next Sunday :/ Most of my friends have gone back now - so I'm being left to go slowly more insane! The problem is I haven't had much work to do this holiday, so I've run out of things to occupy myself with now all my family have returned to work and school!
Magic xxx
rjnewlyn | January 8, 2011 - 22:27
This is very good even by your standards. The jarring juxtapositions work particularly well for what you're saying. Like Magic, I hope the tomorrow is/was OK. At least there's some communication.
Rob
insertponceyfre... | January 8, 2011 - 22:29
thank you very much Rob - yes, I would rather know than not. Tomorrow hasn't happened yet
Highhat | January 9, 2011 - 19:47
I like your son messing up the place- I know what you mean- you almost break an ankle on the way through the front hall- as soon as you get in the door don't you? Well I hope tomorrow comes with some good news. That is what you need.
;)Pia
insertponceyfre... | January 10, 2011 - 06:50
thanks Pia - I can see we have virtually the same front hall! Thank you for the good wishes too
barryj1 | January 11, 2011 - 19:49
Your son... my daughter... it's all pretty much the same crap shoot! You cross your finger and toes and hope for the best.
insertponceyfre... | January 12, 2011 - 07:23
thank you for your reassurance barry and julie!
fatboy74 | January 13, 2011 - 23:58
I know where you're coming from with the graduation, i have to sit through mass every saturday (i'm not catholic which makes it seem doubly unfair)and its amazing the things you can find in a room to pass the time while the priest drones and the incense reignites your chest infection. Great writing and hope it all works out Insert. :-)
Cavalcaderl | January 14, 2011 - 00:13
new Inseretponceyfre
Yes,hope all news is good.
Nice to meet you last minute,
before being called what! an announcement
By Editor Tony cook.
Great meet all and listen to great readers
and stories of all.Great compere Editor t.cook
Tony and help,one lemonade and Tony's email before
gave me such a boost,I read before came out,had to carry it out?Great evening Tony ou room said meet all,made me come around the tables meet all and friends.You were good,but hearing aid didn't always
pick up all stories shame on some.
Yes, done quite a bit in all adversity.
Don;t travel far only with Ray if and when,so have
to stay b/b if next poet's evening is far?
all the best.Why was I dressed like that?
cos Abba show,then look a like "Sounds Of Music"
anyone can go on stage,mine said,you are the sound of music,sheet copy,he didn't stay expensive seats,
so I wnet the nuns judged and prize,I went tup steps
brought back memory 1995 with my belated mum in her 80's got me go along as an xtra wanted Noel Coards
Play Cavalcader,now you know,man top steps I said felt funny and why,comedian lady,interviews each one
did I make cotusme well,yes bought the sequins music
notes daughter sewed some,Ray said use sky blue top,
thought looked OTT. Said there on that stage 1995,
comedian puts hand over each one audience applause,
OMG helps me,I got the loudest out the lot,went away
and came back presented me with "The Sound Of muisc book "Von trappe" family I almost fell down step?
But not signed,eventually asked,sent a letter re-mind
me being there previous lovely.And Abba daughter treated me,but parked car meet friend and bus the,fell over the tree stump badly shaken and bruised,hence poem "Stumped But Not Out".
Keep well.
julie x cavalcader l is a mistake.xx
julie x cavalcader l is a mistake.
Cavalcaderl | January 14, 2011 - 00:14
new Insertponceyfre
Well deserved cherry!
Enjoyed interesting story and
of your son, think all untidy
and girl's mine was,you should see
our place at moment since emergency
heating had be done! every room bunged up
and stiil the bath no lino put down yet.
Have to have a good clear out.
I to hope you soon here think positive.
When my belated dad in navy and two brother's
followed never hear just arrive.Cause they all
get so busy away.
julie xx
SundaysChild | January 14, 2011 - 20:00
Excellent writing x
insertponceyfre... | January 14, 2011 - 20:42
thanks for reading fatboy - mass in a church generally isn't so bad because there's more to look at (I would die if I went more than once in a blue moon). It's bad for your health though - surely you could get let off because of that?
thank you too sundays - I'm sorry you missed the reading - hope you can come to the next one
and thank you Julie - it as lovely to meet you and I really enjoyed the poems you read!
Beeme | January 15, 2011 - 21:53
agree with sunday, top-class writing.
Beeme xx