Tarantella (11th February, 2010, 9.28pm)
Forbidden fingers trace
the spider’s web; caught,
wings entangled, dangling
on a thread of hope
in frosty air.
Wave tentative legs, teeth
catch and snap and tear;
the rope tightens round my
throat and I despair,
suspended there.
Predator and prey; we
dance, tarantella;
you, your cloak of freedom
shadowing intent;
me, tired and spent.
Forbidden eyes linger
on hungry lips; kiss
me quick, before the kill;
let it be painless,
let me be still.
Jennifer Pickup
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | February 11, 2010 - 22:19
Love, the rhythm, Jennifer, and with 'Tarantella' as its title, this little gem cannot fail...not in my book.
"Predator and prey; we
dance, tarantella;
you, your cloak of freedom
shadowing intent;
me, tired and spent."
Great imagery here, as throughout.
Great stuff, as always, as ever.
T x
Cavalcaderl | February 12, 2010 - 18:42
new Jennifer
yes! Do agree with Silver-spun-sand.
Very well all done, I hate spider's.
I am not poet,your great I can't get
all punctuation.sorry thought meaning
was tarantula Spider.But checked dictionary
dance.I have amazingly done,nearly 90 poems
Readings 25O95.The 3rd cherry!advice,help cherry!
new version did kindly with all punctuation,slightly
done.To mine I asked as grammatically wrong.Purr-fect
now,much better,Editor t.Cook ABCtales Tony deserves
the cherry! I got not me, for all his kind help.
-P-P-P "Pick-Up-A-Penguin"as try out I put I stand to be corrected and all comments please. capital words etc;Been up since 3.am.
Over 3 different ways of punctuation,now words don't know.Now deleted most I said. I can't get punctuation.
Must go.Confusing me.
all puntuation.
J X
lenchenelf | February 12, 2010 - 19:22
Like the vibrant ideas in this one, I wondered, perhaps bring it to a hunter/ ambush (frenzied dance - tarantella) scenario. Tarantula's use funnel webs to lurk in. Maybe 'mantle' in place of cloak? Just a couple of thoughts. all the best lena x
Nathan Bednarek | February 13, 2010 - 00:48
A great poem. Much enjoyed. Glad to have you back ;-)
Nathan.
MistakenMagic | February 13, 2010 - 13:20
It's great to see something new from you, Jennifer! I love the sinister anticipation in this one - and that last stanza is the perfect finish ;)
Magic xxx
Curse of 222 | February 13, 2010 - 15:06
"kiss
me quick, before the kill;"
this bit pretty much sums it up for me...beauty and fright all in six words. the whole piece is excellent.
jason
Anna Marie | March 8, 2010 - 19:25
I agree with Jason's above comment. Those 6 words had me paralyzed. Simply beautiful.
Dynamaso | March 15, 2010 - 04:05
What a beautiful dance of words.
Nolan | August 2, 2010 - 17:33
Good. A harmless nut.
jennifer | August 2, 2010 - 18:13
Care to explain yourself, Nolan? Am I the nut? And what makes you think I'm harmless, or were you being sarcastic?!
J x
staticshakedown | August 13, 2010 - 12:06
This was great. The beginning really draws you in . . . like a spiderweb :)
jennifer | August 13, 2010 - 13:03
Glad it succeeded in its mission! Thank you for your kind comment,
J x