Relax, to relax, do I feel safe,
calm, clean and, what to call it
when you feel a, relief and done
everything need, nothing to stay
alert for right, for me means go
to bed, to sleep my hair from my
ears covered, took my socks off.
Now am listening to your breath.
I darent sleep, incase you stop.
Comments
_lynze_ | October 14, 2010 - 21:03
Nice. The pace of it is a little...distorted, but the imagery nice, and you've done without describing anything physical, its good. :)
Kahdai | October 14, 2010 - 21:05
Thankyou :) its kindof meant to be, the way it jumps to the next line halfway through, is meant to be like me thinking 'have I done everything' K
Kahdai | October 14, 2010 - 21:11
I had to change it from 'unless you stop! what a terrible mistake :/
skinner_jennifer | October 15, 2010 - 07:19
Hi Kahdai,
It's nice when you have completed all your tasks for
the day, then relax knowing there is nothing else to
be done, this is how I read your poem. Nice one.
Jenny.
shoe | October 15, 2010 - 08:20
The last two lines change the direction completely and wonderfully, Really like this one.
MistakenMagic | October 16, 2010 - 08:21
Love this poem,Kahdai - and I agree with Shoe - those last two lines have a beautiful tenderness to them which finish the poem off beautifully!
Magic xxx
Highhat | October 16, 2010 - 09:54
It is good to see your poems here Kahdai. Keep on writing
;)Pia
Kahdai | October 21, 2010 - 10:51
Thankyou everyone, it's still a nice ending though dont worry :) K x