Wotcher stranger! Remember me? Yes, I am talking like a born and bred southerner already. No more ‘blooooke’ or ‘poooost box’ – I’ve learnt to speak properly, now that I’m living on a reservation for southern grammar school kids. It rained horrendously the morning I came up here – always one for pathetic fallacy, I was shitting myself. (Even though I remember a particularly rainy day that wasn’t so bad...)
My room is lovely – not massive, but lots of floor space for when my ‘kids’ come to visit their mad mother. I’ve got a beautiful view of the cathedral from my window too. Once I get the chance, I’ll put some photos up in the usual place – make sure you have a look, OK?
Sunday night was... interesting! I ended up in ‘Klute’, which is dubbed the worst nightclub in Europe – an ill-deserved reputation, even if it does look like a shed, and the dance floor is the size of my new room! So there I was, dancing and singing along to ‘Mr Brightside’ by The Killers, watching all the pretty, skinny girls getting off with the tall, fit lads, when I had a revelation: I need time. I realised that I’d barely had any time to grieve for what I’ve lost. One minute I was collapsing onto my knees in my wood, howling like some injured beast – the next I was being dumped in a glorified piss-up/orgy. Now that’s what I call whiplash... As for my heart, no whiplash for her just yet. Right now, I can’t bear the thought of being with anyone else – I’m not ready. Sometimes it feels like I never will be. I look around at all the guys here... they’re just boys. And I’m not interested.
Monday was college matriculation. I spent most of the morning milling about in my black gown – sent some pictures to friends. They insisted the gown was incredibly becoming – or, as Mike put it: ‘damn sexy’. To be honest, I felt more like Severus Snape than a Durham first year... And there’s another thought: I’m finally here – officially a university student. You spend so long living in the moment, that when the future finally slaps you in the face – it bloody stings! I’m not too proud to admit I am finding it difficult. I’ve barely been here three days but it feels like a lifetime – and my old life seems so distant; a half-remembered dream, or a story someone once told me, a very long time ago.
I’ve been having some teething troubles with my internet connection – I almost threw my laptop out the window! So, on Monday afternoon, I found myself five floors up in Mary’s ancient computer room; completely alone, crying over one of Tom’s poems. But I like that you’re leaving me a trail – it keeps me going. I picture you with me, you know – just like I said I would. Last night I was cocooned up in my duvet, watching you recline in my desk chair. I asked you to file the mountain of paperwork before my mother turns up and shouts at me – you only grinned your trademark, alchemical grin, and said nothing.
I smoked my first 'uni cigarette', standing on a bridge over the River Wear. Can you picture me there? Wearing my leather jacket, leaning over the wall to flick ash at the rowers that passed under me. I know Durham was supposed to be rehab – but I don’t think I’m ready to quit just yet. Maybe that’s why I’m writing you this letter... I hope you don’t mind, and this doesn’t make it worse. I’m not asking for a letter back – we both know that’s not a good idea, seen as I’ve only just climbed out of the rabbit hole. But maybe you could keep leaving me postcards? Just for the first few weeks, anyway. I’m not sure if I’ll write again – but I’ll leave you a few breadcrumbs every now and then. I just want you to know I’m doing OK - so don’t you worry about me. I miss you like hell, of course... That’s a given, isn’t it? It’s what we both signed up for.
I’m not sure how to end this – so I’ll just say: remember I’m still me, regardless of the change in location – and I don’t forget easily. And if you’re hurting, or ever in doubt – just remember those three remainders. Because they will always and forever be the answer to everything.
Comments
insertponceyfre... | October 5, 2010 - 13:18
I'm very glad to see you've got your priorities right and are still posting here Magic. Also pleased that you're learning how to speak proper English : ) I think it's compulsory to be a little bit homesick at first, but I hope it doesn't last too long. Really interesting to read your first impressions - keep posting them!
MistakenMagic | October 5, 2010 - 15:36
Hello insert! Well, after two hours at the library downloading the appropriate software, I'm now back online - thank God! I was missing ABC terribly, and once this week is done, I'll be able to find time to catch up properly with everyone. Really happy you enjoyed this :) And a cherry! Thanks cherry fairies - you're helping relieve my homesickness ;)
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | October 5, 2010 - 15:46
Hey - Magic, I was so excited to see this one, plus you online, I haven't even read it yet. Just unpacking my Waitrose shopping and shall comment again later when I've had time to read it. In the meantime, well done on the cherry;-)
Tina xxx
MistakenMagic | October 5, 2010 - 15:55
Hello Tina! I've now got internet access in my room from my laptop - so should definitely be around more often :) Look forward to hearing from you again!
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | October 5, 2010 - 17:16
Hi - it's me again;-)
Homesickness really does hurt but certainly writing about it, plus all the other frustrations and changes in your life at present, can do nothing but good.
Your 'First Letter Home'...poignant and beautifully frank, if that makes sense.
As insert says, keep writing about these 'first impressions' and if nothing else, they will, I am sure, be fascinating for you to read in a year or so's time, when you are an old hand at the uni bit and helping the new intake of 'freshers' acclimatize;-)
Tina xxx
MistakenMagic | October 5, 2010 - 18:13
Thank you, Tina! I definitely saw this as a therapy - I was going to wait until the end of Freshers week, but felt I simply had so much to say already! Glad you enjoyed ;)
Magic xxx
skinner_jennifer | October 5, 2010 - 19:17
Hi Tina,
It's so hard at uni, trying to fit in, trying to get
the work done, I can really understand what you are
going through, even though I haven't been there myself. But you come across to me, as someone who
holds all the cards, if you know what I mean.
I think you are very mature for your age, you have
a great outlook on life, so there is no reason why
you shouldn't not only be the life and soul of the
party, but also a very intelligent girl.
Take care, enjoy every moment, you will never get it
back.
Jenny.
Mangone | October 6, 2010 - 07:07
Good to hear you’re at Uni learning the ultra cool Durham Dialect which is Geordie to all but those snobs from Newcastle - you will soon sound like Cheryl Cole to most ears… well maybe not when you’re singing.
I expect you’ll also pick up bit of an education if you’re not careful -
one of the dangers of University.
Still if you concentrate on the parties and the booze ups it shouldn’t be anything you can’t handle :O) Good luck!
MistakenMagic | October 6, 2010 - 16:11
Thank you, Jenny, Mangone and Julie! It's lovely to hear from all of you :) I had my university matriculation at the cathedral this morning - which was a wonderful experience, and I'm finding the transition process a little easier now!
Magic xxx
Kahdai | October 6, 2010 - 20:57
Aa Magic dear! It's marvellous,! so many details are too much like me, almost sympathy, yet am glad for you, hope you got a few wishes yet! Kahdai xxx
MistakenMagic | October 6, 2010 - 22:08
Thank you, Kahdai :) Just being in Durham is a wish come true - so any others will be a bonus ;)
Magic xxx
Kahdai | October 7, 2010 - 18:15
good to hear it! ;) xxxK
Cavalcaderl | October 7, 2010 - 19:33
new Julie
Hi! magic
Well done writing to us AbcTales.com.
I read your lovely interesting write up.
I do hope each day will fill you with all
new things and you beauty and creativity,
course it is early days. Miss you and all
your help, and wonderful poems. Lem put one
on about homesickness and some put ideas for him
and I did too, things changing for him.
There will be loads for you to do. We both had flu
3 weeks, on mend, but thoughts gone poem or story.
I once went camp school had to, I was only ten? years
old so I know how you are or will have good days and bad. Durham Cathedral is lovely. And Cafe called St Andrews, lovely icecream arrangments eat.
We got caught in rain storm near River b/b Durham.
So always have a brolly. Very interesting and most
of all, hear from you, toodle pip saying for now.
Let us know how your doing, thoughts feelings, good
days and bad wishing you all the very best.
"You are the sunshine of my life" song. Very clever.
julie xxx bless you.Looks if things improving.
many congrats; cherry too.
rjnewlyn | October 7, 2010 - 20:07
Good to hear things are settling down. The first week or two tend to be worst because everyone else is pretending they're not. Hope you manage to get out of town at some point because there's amazing country around there - but possibly not in the winter ...
Rob
tcook | October 8, 2010 - 10:38
I remember those first weeks very clearly - I missed my girlfriend like mad, couldn't find any people I liked and thought the whole thing was rubbish. Then I met one bloke and we got on like a house on fire (he's still my best mate) and my girlfriend came down for the weekend (and she's now my wife) - so it all worked out in the end. But it was touch and go, I was ready to quit and walk out. So stick at it - you'll meet the right people in the end!
MistakenMagic | October 8, 2010 - 12:11
Thanks, Rob! I'll let you know when I manage to escape to the countryside ;)
And cheers Tony - I had a great night out in Newcastle last night and met loads of lovely people more on my wavelength. So the settling in is going much better now!
Magic xxx
kheldar | November 4, 2010 - 20:16
:--) xxx