Sean pressed his remote control and switched the TV off. He’d looked forward to this day since the end of last season. And now, as he heard the flutes, drums and drunken vocals blasting the orange tones of ‘the cry was no surrender’ out the windows from two floors up, he wished there had never been a bloody reformation. He wondered aloud, "If only we could all sing from the same song sheet, just once."
Green with envy, and blue with despair, he locked himself in his room and pulled his father’s old balaclava from under the bed and tried it on for the first time in years. As he straightened the face mask in the mirror he caught sight of his dad’s old banjo on top of the wardrobe. After blowing off the worst of the dust, he then wiped the instrument to a near shine with one of his socks from the washing basket.
He plucked a couple of strings and tuned it by ear even though he didn’t know what he was doing. It wasn’t great but as he was alone no-one should’ve noticed. He sat on his bed and sank into a deep depression thinking of loss. He remembered going to the games with his dad, cheering on the team through hail, more hail, rain and snow, never walking alone, until his dad passed away suddenly. He remembered attending mass every Sunday with his mum during her last few months of fighting a losing battle with cancer.
If only he hadn’t kicked his dog so hard during that last old firm defeat, perhaps he’d still have someone to help him through these darkest moments. It’s not that he killed the dog. No, the dog turned on him and kicked him back as well as sinking his teeth into Sean’s groin. His girlfriend took the dog when she left.
A part of Sean wanted to keep on the old balaclava, grab the piece that still lay under the floorboards and pay those upstairs a little visit. But that life was behind him. He fought the good fight now. Just like he fought the demons calling him back to the needle and the pipe. For the first time in his life he was on the right road, albeit not the most profitable one, but he knew the Lord was watching over him.
There was only one thing to do. Accept what obstacles God put in his path and negotiate them with the help of Jesus.
He removed the balaclava and made to straighten his hair back into its usual middle-pattern in the mirror. However, he was taken aback when he saw the reflection of a smiling Paul Newman staring back at him.
“Go on, kid, play it,” said Paul. “Don’t let them beat you. You know where to turn in these situations.”
Sean held up the banjo. “I…I can’t play it. I never put in the hours.”
Paul winked at Sean. “Of course you can, kid. You can do anything when you walk with the Lord.”
Sean smiled back, though tears started to trickle down his cheeks. “I’ll try my best, Paul. But I don’t want to upset anyone.”
“I know, kid. I know. Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.”
Sean cleared his throat, hit a few strings and began to get the feel of it. Before long he’d sussed a few chords and something resembling music filled the room.
“What did I tell you, kid?”
“I can’t believe it. I’m really playing a tune. I can recognise the tune. It’s…it’s…”
“Yeah, I know, kid. It’s one of my favourites too. Let me hear you sing it.”
Sean tried to shake his head but Paul raised a finger.
“Have faith, kid. Have faith.”
“Okay, Paul. I’ll try my best. Here goes: I don’t care…if it rains…or freezes…long as I’ve got…my plastic Jesus…sittin’ on…the dashboard of my car. Comes in colours…pink and pleasant…glows in the dark…’cause it’s iridescent…take it with you…when you travel far.”
“You’re doing great, kid. Just great. Let’s hear you pump up the volume now. Sing it like you mean it. Let the angels hear you.”
Sean wiped his snottery nose with his sleeve and sat up straight before raising both the tempo and volume.
“Get yourself a sweet Madonna….dressed in rhinestones sittin’ on a…pedestal…of abalone shell. Goin’ ninety, I ain’t scary…’cause I got the Virgin Mary…assurin’ me that I won’t go to hell.”
As Sean continued to play the few chords progressively louder, Paul joined in with the singing, and the presence of the Lord filled the room with joy until they were both interrupted by a banging on the front door. They tried to ignore it but whoever was at the door wasn’t taking no for an answer.
Sean huffed and laid the banjo down on top of the Henrik Larsson quilt cover before leaving Paul singing a cappella.
Just as Sean was about to open the door it flew
in, almost knocking him to the ground.
Sean jumped back, fists clenched at first but quickly loosening. With hands outstretched, palms facing upwards, he challenged the uninvited guests. “What you doing, brother. Who in the name of the Lord are you?”
Two smartly dressed large men stood towering over him.
“So, ya think ya can take the piss out of Jesus do ya?” said the older of the two men, cracking his knuckles.
“Let’s teach him a Goddamn lesson, Bill,” said the other, trying unsuccessfully to crack his knuckles.
Sean backtracked along the hall, holding his hands out, trying to keep the intruders at arm’s length. “Please, there’s been a misunderstanding. I don’t mean any offence. I love the Lord. You have to believe me. Paul and I were just…”
“Don’t listen to him, Bill. That’s just the devil talking, trying to weasel his way out from what’s coming to him.”
“You’re right, Jed. His soul needs a right good old fashioned cleansing.”
“Please,” said Sean, rushing into his bedroom. “I can explain. Ask Paul. He’ll back up my story.”
Bill and Jed stopped in their tracks when they noticed Paul Newman waving at them from inside the mirror.
“How you doing, guys?”
Jed waved back, but Bill was more hesitant.
“Don’t be fooled, Jed. It’s the work of the devil. Paul Newman’s dead.”
“He definitely looks like Paul Newman.”
“Yeah, I’ll give ya that, but I’m tellin’ ya. It’s not him. I saw Paul Newman getting taken away in the captain’s car after he’d been shot in Cool Hand Luke.”
“But wasn’t that just a film, Bill?”
“Don’t be fooled, Jed. That’s what the devil wants you to believe.”
“Look guys,” said Paul. “Why don’t you sit down and join in with us. We’re only singing a couple of verses in praise of the Lord. We’re all Christians here. Let’s show some love.”
Jed sat down on the bed but jumped straight back up again when Bill saw him.
“Come on Bill,” said Paul. “Give us a chance.
What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Come on Bill,” said Jed, sitting back down again. “My feet are killing me. We’ve been chapping doors all day without getting so much as a have a nice day. Where’s your faith in recognising signs?”
Reluctantly, Bill joined Jed on the Henrik Larsson quilt and Sean picked up the banjo. He was still a bit shaken from the door being kicked in but soon found enough rhythm to get the right tune.
“Okay gentlemen, on the count of three, one…two…three.”
“I don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as I’ve got my plastic Jesus, sittin’ on the dashboard of my car. Comes in colours pink and pleasant, glows in the dark ‘cause it’s iridescent, take it with you when you travel far.”
“You’re all doing fine,” said Paul, keeping time by tapping the inside of the mirror. “Let’s give it some volume. Let the Lord hear us.”
Sean played the old banjo as best he could and everyone belted out the lyrics with the enthusiasm and joy that comes with being a true believer.
“GET YOURSELF A SWEET MADONNA, DRESSED IN RHINESTONES SITTIN’ ON A, PEDESTAL OF ABALONE SHELL. GOIN’ NINETY I AIN’T SCARY, ‘CAUSE I GOT THE VIRGIN MARY, ASSURIN’ ME THAT I WON’T GO TO HELL.”
They repeated those two verses again and again, secure in the knowledge that the Lord was smiling down on them with great pride at having overcome initial misunderstandings.
Sean suddenly stopped playing and looked up to find a gang of thugs standing at the door of his room. One glance was enough to identify the Union Jacks, Red Hand of Ulster and King Billy tattoos adorning everyone’s arms. His second glance identified the swastikas, white pride and National Front slogans. Bill and Jed only noticed the royal blue of the Rangers tops.
“Can I eh…help you, lads?” said Sean. “We’re feeling the Lord strong today. Feel free to join us. We’re all Christians here.”
“Shut up, ya fenian bastard wae yir we’re aw Christian shite. No us, we’re fuckin’ protestants. We’ve heard enough coming fae here. You and yir fuckin’ Virgin Mary lovin’ tattie munchers can fuck off back tae Ireland. But only once we’ve gave ye whit ye deserve.”
“What’s a fenian bastard?” Jed asked Bill.
“Haven’t a clue,” Bill replied.
“Tell them we’re Baptists from America.”
“Hi guys. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance. We’re from the church of…”
It was unfortunate for Bill that he received the first blow to the head, but the fact he became unconscious straight away probably saved him from further punishment.
Jed wasn’t so lucky. He tried to get to his feet several times before they stopped hitting him with their combination of baseball and cricket bats that had never seen a ball.
Sean blessed himself, clutched the banjo to his chest and looked to the mirror for moral support from Paul, but he was gone, replaced by Jesus.
Jesus stood, lone tear edging down his cheek, looking down on Sean, shaking his head and, in an apologetic tone befitting the Messiah of love and peace, said: “I’m sorry, kid. What we got here is…failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.”
Sean turned around in time to recognise the club as a six iron. He closed his eyes and smiled as he thought of the Lord.
Comments
hudsonmoon | September 18, 2011 - 22:55
This tale is especially pleasing to me. In 1967 I was thirteen years old and I played hooky from school to see Cool Hand Luke at Radio City Music Hall. When I started playing guitar many years later one of the first songs I taught myself was Plastic Jesus.
To this day it's the first thing I'll play when I grab the guitar. I even recorded it on my digital recorder.
So thank you for writing this. It was an extreme pleasure oldpesky.
Rich
oldpesky | September 19, 2011 - 08:17
Hi Rich. I introduced my son to Cool Hand Luke a couple of weeks ago. One of my favourite films of all time, and Luke is one of my role models. What's not to like about a man who refuses to conform?
After young pesky returned home he phoned me to let me hear him playing the theme on his guitar. It is now my notification sound for text messages.
I was surprised to find many different versions of Plastic Jesus on youtube, some more parody than others, but it's the emotion of Paul Newman's version that really appeals to me, although The Flaming Lips version was also very good.
Brillian film, brilliant actor, brilliant version of the song. What more can I say?
Thanks for dropping by.
oldpesky | September 19, 2011 - 10:29
Good morning Richard. Obviously this will upset a certain section of Scottish society but that's not why I wrote it.
I was both surprised and disappointed to be tagged as an anti-christian for liking a particular poem that was perceived by some to be an attack on Jesus. As you know, having read the work and the subsequent heated debate, not only was the poem a satirical attack on narrow-minded bigots, but it also contained an element of humour, which is right up my street.
As you also know, I am a deeply religious person who usually likes to keep his faith private. Jesus saved me for something. What that something is I still don't know. But I continue to walk with him and spend my time trying to bring as much joy to as many people as possible, usually through humour.
Hope you have a good day.
maggyvaneijk | September 19, 2011 - 13:30
What a sweet read! The dialogue is sharp and absurd in the best way possible you are a true king of humour.
MaggieG | September 19, 2011 - 14:44
LOL
I love it !
It was sharp, and on the money. When it comes to that kind of thinking you described, I call it Fundamental, and Literal ( never open to any possibilities )
and I will tell you something else. I don't like it anymore than you do. I have seen it in ALL walks of belief from Christian to Atheist, to Science, to Politics. ( It is NOT specifically a religious ideology )
and personally I think it is a big reason this world is going to shit !
They can spout that polarizing one-sided garbage until the cows come home. That is their freedom to do so. BUT ! It is also my freedom to tell them they are an ASS !
Good stuff Darlin !
Cavalcaderl | September 19, 2011 - 23:00
new oldpesky
Hi! Must say what a way to write,
such a good spiritual poem, on the
saviour the king. But everything you say,
is because I have most you mention in this poem.
Even the glowing Jesus, light up illumiated every
night, but sometimes I used to do prayer's for all. I too have a statue! When many etc; have no hope, no healing he is there, for anyone,moment one believes,
turns their lives around, even to-day. Hymn What a friend we have in jesus. No harm done!
But I will say, because I know him,I do not like to see The Lords Prayer taken in vain, or in humour!
Swearing alternate lines, but course don't have to read.Sometimes we and people have to go through disastrous things.
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive other's.
Gosh! now I have blown it all, so many may disagree.
He loves you all.
We say discussion is freedom on here
up to a limit, for me anyway.
I know many prayer's are answered, had so many for myself and other's all I can say. By eventually helping other's, it can help ourselves, but hard when one can do that, and they turn back on oneself. Have to forgive or otherwise like a record that's got stuck,goes on and on, when plays again!
Get my meaning. I can get upset so many times, all part of life. Limit to listening without back firing.
answered whatever whenever! No don't discuss R.I.
Bless you.
cavalcaderl julie xx
oldpesky | September 20, 2011 - 07:45
Thank you maggy with a y. Your words are a true pick-me-up. King of humour? I am only a humble prince guided by my good friend Niccolo Machiavelli. Hope you are good.
oldpesky | September 20, 2011 - 07:50
Good morning maggie with an i before e except after c. I wish I could call you Hun, but unfortunately it has a different meaning in this beautiful little country of mine. Well, it's not actually mine, I just happen to be lucky enough to live here.
Thank you for popping in. You are always more than welcome to share my space with your views.
oldpesky | September 20, 2011 - 08:07
Hi Julie, very nice of you to read my story and leave a comment. It is good we both share a love of Jesus, I'm sure he'd be pleased, as sharing love is what he's all about, or am I getting him wrong?
You said -
'But I will say, because I know him,I do not like to see The Lords Prayer taken in vain, or in humour!'
My Jesus has a fine sense of humour, but I know where you're coming from. I remember Bill Hicks being cornered by two Christians after a show. When they told him they didn't like what he said about Jesus, he said something along the lines of, "Well, forgive me, isn't that what Christians are supposed to do?"
You also said - 'Swearing alternate lines, but course don't have to read.'
If I didn't have those characters speaking the way they do in real life then I would not be true to myself or them.
Just a thought. If Jesus was in my country today where would he be? Do you think he'd be in a church or a chapel or a mosque? I don't. I think he'd be among the same people as he was when he first arrived.
See Richard L Prov's post in this thread - http://www.abctales.com/forum/2011/09/19/anything-limits
For an alternative view of Jesus readers, and fundamentalist christians too, might want to try John Niven's The Second Coming. Although, if you're American your chances are somewhat limited due to no publisher having the balls to touch it.
My motto for today is Be Nice and hug a hoody. I know Jesus would.
oldpesky | September 20, 2011 - 08:09
Richard, your post's too long for me to tackle now. I have to leave on a rather long road trip where I might bump into you at the end. Have a good day, and try to stay out of trouble for five minutes.
barryj1 | September 20, 2011 - 14:13
I agree with Maggie: this is wicked good stuff! Somewhere around the fifth or sixth paragraph I found myself saying, "The writing isn't just just funny and engaging but goddamn good (i.e. since you settled on a religious theme, I'm throwing in the 'goddamn') at all levels!" I like this story every bit as much if not better than everything else of yours.
You told a first-rate story, one that held my interest straight through from beginning to end. One could also read some very serious, political satire into the plot when both sets of uninvited visitors show up at the songfest. You hit the ball out of the park (i.e. that's an American expression) on this one!
Cavalcaderl | September 20, 2011 - 14:51
new maggvaneijk
Hello! We Hope to meet you soon,
listen readings poetry and meet all
again to-morrow.
cavalcaderl julie xx
Blessing | September 20, 2011 - 15:20
Oldpesky, I have to read this again when I have more time and all those comments too. I'll get back to you.
Yeshua with us ...
Cavalcaderl | September 20, 2011 - 15:42
new oldpesky
Thankyou for commenting,I know
I can't always express what I mean.
ie. If you loved someone so much, would
you not stand by them. That's an example
trying to explain like, Richard Prevencher,
has kindly written already. I truly believe.
But not ramming in down anyone's throats, just
saying,experiencing then, how I felt at the time. Not you. Sorry opology. Subject closed from me.
Hard to explain, when King done so much.
We are fallen angels, expression, even in the R.I.
world, and all different persoanlities, mine not religious in way of going church! but I hope spiritually with love, can understand much better,
time to laugh, time to cry, time to be silent.
Not even in churches it's 100% all fallen angels. Wishing you all the best, sensitive people come of worse. Bounces back what is said.
must go thanks.
bless you
cavalcaderl julie x
rjnewlyn | September 20, 2011 - 21:48
Yes, very good. The choice of song works very well - same sort of desperate vain hope that the world could be a better place. It was a good thing to centre it around. And it got me on to youtube to remind myself of the original.
Rob
Overthetop1 | September 21, 2011 - 01:19
I was heading for bed but then caught this. Couldn't go to bed without commenting. Funny, surreal, pertinent, and nicely edgy. Altogether an fantastic read. Must check out both the song and a Celtic/Rangers derby. Mustn't check out right-wing Rangers fans. One of the best things you've done. So much to it. Will come back and read again.
I have only one comment on Jesus. Seems like a nice bloke and not sure how thrilled he would be by todays big society. As Killing Joke sang in the 80's `Jesus wouldn't like it now.' So we had all better shape up and become more tolerant.
I think Jesus wants you for a sunbeam Just saying.
Good night.
Cavalcaderl | September 21, 2011 - 07:47
new oldpesky
Thanks great comments.
I truly know what your saying.
But I am trying to say,word is
achievements have done and got,
and many experiences good bad ugly, film in life!
We can share and help all. Exactly as Richard Prov says.
Like to get hold of the song though!
Where. Yes, of course jesus went into
all the darkest places ever. But there is
always light! somewhere at the end of the tunnel!
Brining someone peace love and care other's vital points. All of us can try! again at something, encouragement. Even be on Gt ABCTales. To me, and
hard working Editor t.cook (Tony) always ready help
someone. and the Editor's team. And help from writer's and poet's on here. When I look back, see what I have achieved, on just can't believe. So many
talented writer's. Someone once said in church to phocus,spelt wrong busy day, didn't know what they mean't in those days,
cos I couldn't.
No a church isn't main thing, we told learning place.
Jesus was always,in prayer. Whoops! back soon.
cavalcaderl julie.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:19
Good morning everyone, hope you all had a good day yesterday.
Richard, from what I gather you are always in trouble of some sort, not with me though. And that is quite spooky about your daily meditation. Think I've mentioned before about the big fella moving in mysterious ways and all that.
Anyway, I hope to be there early tonight as Young Pesky and I have all day to find the place.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:24
Barry, your comments are overwhelming, considering it's almost the fastest story I've ever written (around 2 hours, with a dinner break in the middle). When I look at it now (36 hours later) I want to change a number of bits here and there. But as I don't have the time today I've settled for changing one word. As you've noticed here and before there's usually something deeper going on behind the humour.
But on another, perhaps more important note, it is because of you that I've been spending every night with a certain Mr. Wodehouse. I got my hands on a collection or three of The Oldest Member produced by the good old BBC. Wonderful stuff, linking my love of humour with my love of golf. Thank you.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:27
Blessing, you are always welcome around these parts. Sometimes the comments are much funnier than the actual story. I see them as a sort of added value to the original product.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:32
Rob, get that song downloaded from youtube and put on your ipod, mobile or a cd and get it played whether in your car or at the gym or sitting at your desk. I've had a few (not really any more than usual) funny looks recently when sitting at traffic lights with the window down and Paul Newman blasting out the stereo. Yeah, I know, I'm a bit weird. Best not get me started on Just a Closer Walk With Thee.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:40
Hi Julia, there are many versions of the song. Some of them very funny, or quite funny, or not funny at all, depending on your sense of humour. I'm guessing you'd have a giggle. Get yourself a cope of Cool Hand Luke and feel the emotion in the scene when Paul Newman sings the song and plays his banjo. Great stuff.
I have only one question. What's a sunbeam? We don't get anything like that in Scotland. Only clouds and rain, usually followed by more of the same.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:45
Hi Julia, there are many versions of the song. Some of them very funny, or quite funny, or not funny at all, depending on your sense of humour. I'm guessing you'd have a giggle. Get yourself a cope of Cool Hand Luke and feel the emotion in the scene when Paul Newman sings the song and plays his banjo. Great stuff.
I have only one question. What's a sunbeam? We don't get anything like that in Scotland. Only clouds and rain, usually followed by more of the same.
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 08:53
Good morning Julie. That's a beautiful comment about sharing and helping one another, and also about the team at ABC. You've hit the nail on the head. In my world anyone can do anything if they apply themselves and get the the right guidance. Life is full of obstacles to be negotiated. Some are more difficult than others but not insurmountable.
Try and get the Paul Newman version of the song on youtube. It's a wee heartbreaker.
Geoffrey | September 21, 2011 - 09:13
I've lived such an innocent life, never heard 'plastic jesus' before. Great stuff, a good antidote to a 'cherry too far!'
oldpesky | September 21, 2011 - 09:51
Thank you Sheriff. You know me, always trying to bring everyone together and put smiles on faces.
Cavalcaderl | September 21, 2011 - 10:43
new oldpesky
Hello! Thanks will try, I
remember Paul Newman. Not the songs.
Yes, I think a sense of humour is good,
in right way, don't you. I don't always
get family jokes! I used to just go Oh! or laugh.
I mean sometimes you have to go through the deep sea, expression. Then can help other's. even someone
can be good at making a cup of teas simple, other's can't. We all have something special.
Might see you there London.
All the best those coming, and those aren't far away,
we are thinking of you all with our love.
Well have relation Scotland too Fife!
Yep, in all adversity smile1 smile Smile.1
Love the song for me "When No one else can understand me" words perfet Elvis think.
Here's to The Editor T.Cook (Tony) all his help and praise!
and all the team
John Wilks
Richard
All the helper's
and Readers
Abctaler's Good evening to-night
Family and Friends
love Julie cavalcaderl AbcTales xx
Cavalcaderl | September 22, 2011 - 11:19
new oldpesky
So young.
How great of you come over and chat!
I am looking that title up song, many thanks.
Great meet,you love your stories,keep writing,
keep smiling, fab; night, "Wheatsheaf London".
Come again,safe journey back you and your brother
Scotland. I met so many! I am sure you enjoyed yourself too,must been half glass wine, set me,
laughing been hectic day before. Travelling.
Putting feet up to-day! Get back you later.
cavalcaderl julie xx AbcTales.
lisah | September 22, 2011 - 13:20
Not much I can add to the comments here other than I was truly entertained! That's some wit, must be the Scot in you. ;)
oldpesky | September 24, 2011 - 11:15
Good afternoon young julie, I hope you've eh sobered up (only joking) and found that song by now and are happily singing away. My son and I returned home last night. My brother lives in Islington, which is why we could travel down and not incur any accomodation expense.
Lisah, thank you for leaving such a great comment.
Cavalcaderl | September 25, 2011 - 00:17
new oldpesky Whoops! (Letter)
Hello! hope all is well.
Go on I am old enough be
your mum! sshush!
Yep! course I am sober!
Just warm in the "Wheatsheaf"
good bit wine, Ray got gone to
my head! and couldn't years.
Roseau don't normally
drink! but meeting you and all
seemed to get excited happy, and
made me shout out, when poem "Goodbye
Dad" brilliantly told, as read previous,
got up and read. Little teardrops stung me
just thinking of my belated pop! Couple poems
done or tried on here. Wow!
Put far too much. Cut down for now.
Have a good day, very late.We watching X factor.
Been see daughter, and had good walk. inbetween bus to change.
julie x
lavadis | September 25, 2011 - 10:07
Great writing Pesky (not so much of the old) and it was good to meet you.
celticman | September 25, 2011 - 17:00
“As Sean continued to play. I don't think you need quotation marks. Cool story as in the Cool Hand Luke kinda way. Quite a post as well. That took me longer than the story!
oldpesky | September 25, 2011 - 17:02
Hi Julie, hope you enjoyed The X Factor. I'm a bit hooked on it myself. Young Pesky (my son) thinks I'm turning into a sad old git and doesn't appreciate me forcing him to watch it with me sometimes. Although, secretly, I think he really enjoys it.
Hi lavadis, great to see you at the Wheatsheaf and leaving a fine comment under my humble ramble. Very much appreciated.
Right, I'm off back to the ward for supper and a bedbath from the new nurse. Now then, where's that stick of mine?
Geoffrey | September 26, 2011 - 08:45
Everybody's children think they turn into sad old gits. Mine certainly did, and the grandchildren. Only recently have they all begun to realise what a fine upstanding fellow I was but its too late now!
oldpesky | September 26, 2011 - 09:29
It's never too late, Geoffrey, unless you've buried them all under the patio. Mm, you've given me an idea.
Cheers celticman for spotting that rogue ". I don't suppose I could get away with saying I was breaking the rules to capture the voice? No, didn't think so.
Cavalcaderl | September 30, 2011 - 12:46
Oldpesky
Hello! just back on worse luck!
for you, day went wrong. With four
ofd them wrong messages, and text not
told, in end didn't know if coming or going.
Meet here go out for their late anniversary
do. One not well,off few days,can't play if
mine, take out not so good player's. Only whatever
keep practising, egt better. So took myself of too
charity shop closed,walker B/ton bit jippy inside,
so wanted be on safe side, bought tolilet rolls, thought got two, shopkeeper came reached four,about
7ft high shelf,only wnated one,so stuck my finger,into end roll flop where did it land, on bridge of my glasses,and smack on the nose,I already
seen De-Gas 2nd book day before chairity shop closed,
went back next morning ugh! gone, and didn't speak english much. Going back in my rambling,Shopkeeper took money little shop, never said sorry or ok. I wanted cold water dab on, no blood thank goodness.
I treid rain proof jacket x b/day money from Ray,although reminds me if I owe £2 big issue!
The ones I liked wrong sizes. Sat sat and read AbcTales in "Spud-U-Like". Cold drinks don't know names,come freezer don't help. Walked and walked,looking shops, he hates going with me, can't win. Daughter been groggy and her's ott drink here,
but funny. I didn't know time of day coming. So said sod it, and went off in sun. Sat and listened a young girl sing,not bad but good on Saxophone, then into, Pavilion Gardens,one singer song writer played good.Then group came on so got in 7pm.Told me to opologise, fdaughter already been Feet fish biting.
Seems none answer emails to-day, they don't. Got in whacked out happy, things did and met. Are you in Scotland now! Not really being nursed are you?
Have good week-end. No no time x factor, like but very critical, some should go through,some shouldn't.
Artists are the ones, shouldn't be criticised by judges. I tried B/ton G Talent, not well, voice,plus
long term person, pulled me bits, over all,etc; I told them of it in it. Unyet n/home like me. Big head,all songs in folders so doan't have to learn.
Children now got to learn, stars moons and hemisphere. One about 6 or 7 years, two girl's with
sojmeone,said there goes a plane it's a BA so dad or
grandfather asked how she knew, couldn't answer I looked couldn't see it either, children just pick up things. So join in how the Spoons can you play, pop could.
all the best julie x
Blessing | September 30, 2011 - 14:18
Hi there oldpesky, could you let me know the name of the poem folks are referring to that caused offence so I can read it before I feedback - so I can get the context of all of this. Thanks ...
Blessing
oldpesky | October 1, 2011 - 14:56
Hi Julie, now that I know you're okay, am I allowed to laugh at the thought of you being hit on the nose with a pack of toilet rolls. (Told you I had a warped sense of humour.)
Yes, I am home in Scotland. I hope you are enjoying the great weather. I'm afraid it is wet and miserable up here.
Oh well, maybe get to watch X Factor tonight.
oldpesky | October 1, 2011 - 15:14
Hi Blessing, not only am I going to point you in the direction of the poem, I am also going to give a short explanation to this story.
The initial poem was Jesus is my Friend by a certain Lord Lucan. Typical, he hides from the world for decades and returns with a controversial, but funny, poem.
Anyway, this little ramble of mine is about how christians are rare in the west of Scotland, only catholics (celtic supporters) and protestants (rangers supporters). In this story American evangelists are caught up in the struggle. It is set against a backdrop of an old firm game having just finished and has a special guest star appearance from Paul Newman as Cool Hand Luke. This version of the song Plastic Jesus is also from the film, as is the famous quote at the end which is spoken by Jesus in this story. There are many versions of the song that are of similar tone and content to Lord Lucan's poem, basically saying that as long as they have a Plastic Jesus in their car then they will be able to anything they want and they'll be okay. It is this misunderstanding that has the evangelists kicking down the door to Sean's home in the first place. They think someone is taking the piss out of Jesus, just like the misunderstandings about Lord Lucan's poem.
There, it's about something like that anyway. I've probably missed out something important as I'm hurrying but I hope you get the gist.
Blessing | October 1, 2011 - 17:42
Thanks for taking the time. I'll look at the Lucan poem. I can't remember if I ever saw Cool Hand Luke though.
Cavalcaderl | October 2, 2011 - 19:20
new Oldpesky
Hi! Hope your well.
Mine just copied "Plastic Jesus"
quite like sing along trying.
At first I didn't like title, as
said I have one,glows green at night,
but really like you mention Virgin Mary.
Quite a few used have crosses and things swinging
from windows of cars. Ands o much done and prayer's
some benn answered, although not my religion until late in life! Something happened but shrines prayer's help and priests had time effort involving.
Do so many things. Ha dthree day's of things gone,wrong hence my poem, Such a beautiful day, if you read see what's kind been happening,and I can also reply on bottom of poem, know you have answered comment. Hope all is well. Good day yesterday out etc; have good week end, sorry read bad weather.
I know Scotland gets winter quickly, by my brother if, evr emails,but so hot here! Went to watch Greek Dancing" different on my own? as friend said might come, no sign.Ray not musical. But moved on saxophones etc; great day. Showed ABCTales book to him, like him put "Shimmy Shimmy Shake" id did on here, to music can't read or play,let me know what you think of it please! in all adversities. one guiatarists and song writer listened
to three times,before and voice juke box think, singer song writer, one can take their cards, as pop £1 in hat!
just watching x factor so cricitcal some crying! should realise, no one winws till the end. But have fixed they are best, take it as fun I think!
Have a good day. Rested to-day after yesterday and all happened exciting, think devil got hold me, playing tambourine ahd years ago! percussion in day centres.friend didn't turn up has one, and can read and play guitar. One had a go at me once! Oh! well if
can't beat them join them aye!
Well young ones told not going through, fourth place
now told it's him,course can't believe, awful thing to do! Editor's (IP) t.cook Tony mentioned interested
why cross ourselves meaning, cos' means I love god with all my heart, as our taught. Priests had were amazing after 16 years of two churches. Then their's told of. But you are brilliant way tell your stories
of humours, that is what he did to. Love Song Of Songs happy before,learning reading a bible concentration, I put on here! love it high readings for me ever, not mine, read at wedding, away all there! blessings to you and your son sounds clever!
Teach him stars and moon and hemispher now saying children good. Tell boy's and girl's so sorry your make a good boy band, your going home, then where not going let you go home, and girl's crying, then one you are my fourth person, there in buckets of tears! Now come back one all he wants too sing,now called back and said be super group, nearly causes
heartaches like that. Surely talent is judgement on performer's
not hwat wear.The young one flat this week. I wonder if get through nerves got in him. Happens to all stars and in public eye!
all the best julie xx
oldpesky | October 3, 2011 - 12:00
Hi Blessing. Haven't seen Cool Hand Luke? Remedy that situation when you get the chance, then you can singalong with Sean and Paul Newman in the story.
Julie, yes, I heard Janie Cutler passed away. Her version of No Regrets was stunning. As for the X factor, I try not to take it too seriously, but ended up shouting at the TV last night when Louie initially put Goldie through. Having calmed down now and taken my medication I've decided not to watch it any more. Well, not until next week anyway.
Blessing | October 4, 2011 - 20:09
Well oldpesky, I know you’re not afraid of controversy – like myself. Guess I came to the appropriate writers’ space all things considered.
Sean, Jed, Bill et al – to my way of understanding all became entwined in a web of jeopardy several times over. All about to get their asses whooped or get back on the road and figure it out … again. Did the mirror image offer him a contract? Didn’t get round to that at the time I imagine.
Only time I recall Yahushuah wrecking something physically was in the temple, for turning it into a marketplace. The spiritual war has raged to this day, piece by piece being unravelled depending on which part of Abba’s House you gravitate to or not, depending on your own particular journey/path – none identical of course. I don’t recall Mashiach or any of his disciples converting anyone with a weapon, save their tongues. The way, truth and life is about example as we grow, learn and come to a fuller understanding which can’t always happen in one day as human experience unfolds and we are each tested. That’s the beauty and trial of it. That’s why judgment belongs to YHWH – not man, because man is fallible and prone to temptation and vices which have brought us to where we are and so deep the manipulation and yet so simple at times a child could see. Some may complain because they are sentient beings they don’t want to live this way or that and that is their choice. They might or might not trust in science instead. But the clay telling the Potter what to do will never work for me, though you can ask questions. Abraham understood this while his father didn’t. Nothing much has changed on that account over the centuries it appears but folks have to still figure it out for themselves. Some people believe such man made objects can protect and save them. Well, some people get a guard dog for protection and even this doesn’t always help because the level is not simply physical.
As for Jesus – no such person actually existed by name and scriptures are very clear about what would happen to his name and how the Creator felt about it. Masorete Jews had a hand in all of this, others helped while the names of their gods and peoples survived. I don’t know how many have read the Bible but it is repeated in a number of Old Testament books. What’s in a name? What’s in a pitch? What’s in the wrong key word or translation …? So it goes … It is not an insignificant thing though.
Sun beam? Hmm … Maybe more to do with Sol Invictus and Mithras worship 25th Dec and nothing to do with Yahushuah. More Apollo/Apollyon … As for the woman Ishtar/Innana/Samiris/Venus/Aphrodite/Luciferian star (the same the Israelites were punished for worshipping in Jeremiah as well) and other transgenic and transmutating beings and other manifestations. Don’t know if you caught this video …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eRiVBBwkqY
Like with your story, coupled with what’s happening now, all that and Demerol too post mortem – a lot going on for many people. Reminds me of the warning: “Come out of her my people …”
In the search for truth I found Yeshua through the furnace of affliction - good with it now.
You provoke debate in your well crafted work as well you know. A place for people to tackle issues they probably can’t do in their regular or not so regular places of worship. I’ve shared debates face to face with many people over the years. For me, Yeshua has provided the opportunity of an “open door”. Some will be directed to it, some will stumble to find it, while others will pour scorn on the whole thing from start to finish which makes the whole subject of “free will” so much more interesting … There is nothing new under the sun oldpesky … nothing.
I also read that poem - thanks.
Yeshua's Blessings
hudsonmoon | October 5, 2011 - 23:15
Hi, Oldpesky. If I ever figure out how to do it. I'll send you the Plastic Jesus song I recorded. It's . . . well, it's not horrible. lol. I'll have to ask my son if he can figure it out. It's on the computer. I just can't figure out how to get it.
It really stinks when you can actually see the brain cells evaporating into the thin air. I grasp at them, but they elude me. Bastards.
Rich
oldpesky | October 6, 2011 - 12:10
Hi Blessing, I'm feeling rather humbled as you've probably taken more time with your reply than I did with the story. It's one of those first draft pieces written in a hurry while the rawness of an Old Firm defeat still hurt. And now for a piece of shameless marketing. For further ramblings on the role of religion in the West of Scotland see -
http://www.abctales.com/story/oldpesky/big-match
http://www.abctales.com/story/oldpesky/glasgow-resurrection-i-p
One day I will return and tidy them all up a tad. For as with everything I write, I'm never happy and they're never finished.
Hope you're have a great day today.
oldpesky | October 6, 2011 - 12:19
Julie, thanks for your prayers. Hope you get the virgin mary's crown back on. I'm picturing her standing with it in her hand, tapping her foot, and looking at her watch. Hope you're well today.
oldpesky | October 6, 2011 - 12:21
Rich, feel free to send me anything you want, as long as it's not a virus. I'm looking forward to hearing what you've done. Consider it a bit like an X Factor audition and I'm Simon Cowell.
bazzacozza | October 6, 2011 - 19:23
Enjoyed this very much. well written and original. I also read a lot of the comments and have to admit some of the remarks went over my head, especially those concerning religion. As usual it seems to me that people try to mystify religion when actually a large portion of the bible is black and white, if one takes the time to read it with discernment. I have to tell you that I am a Jehovah's witness ( can almost hear the ridiculing comments and verbal insults) and so as you may or may not know we avidly study the bible. But getting back to your story the humour was sharp and the story was very entertaining (apart from the swearing bits.
oldpesky | October 6, 2011 - 23:45
Hello bazza, thanks for reading, apologies for the swearing bits. It wiznae me. It wiz they Rangers supporters. Some people you just can't reach.
You'll hear no ridiculing comments or verbal insults around these parts. I have great respect for all faiths and non-believers alike. We all have different paths to walk. All we have to do is 'be nice' to one another. How hard can that really be?
hudsonmoon | October 7, 2011 - 00:30
Simon Cowell! Now you're trying to scare me. And it's working. But I'll forge ahead and damn my stage fright.
Rich
Cavalcaderl | October 7, 2011 - 08:43
new Oldpesky
Hope your well.
For got to mention, sad sorry
to read little blonde lady was
it Janie Cutler sang "No Regrets"
on the x factor got through,what a voice
bless her, from Scotland amazing have programme
all colours of x factor stars in,
we saw at The B/ton Centre.
Reminded me so much of my mum, and when
she would sing, much later in life!
proxide blonde mum. so confident, "I'll See You Again". Won a talent comp; once all artists.
Have a good day
.
Oldpesky
Corrected the name thankyou?
Jannie Cutler lovely singer.
Reminded so much of my mum, blonde,
well mum proxided in those days.
It is awful the way contestants break down,
truly believe! can go through all the sessions to the
end. TERRY from Worthing should, gone through, like 'Tom Jones' voice, just because older, no difference,good strong voice, maybe done or sung another song like 'Tom Jones' number,gone through, but new all his words and timing. And 'Jade
Richards' Scotland too, builds there hopes up, and crushed!
Oh! dear bit back, dropped glowing illuminating virgin mary, send for by post lost half of her crown,
I took church then,put lights dimmed,wow! glowed perfect. But I have 3ft statue anyway, as used go on re-treat my first church,all by coach 6-7am morning Ray and Daughter see me on for four years,holy shrine wonderful. Church closing so mine took free on train, for b/b hour away, to shrine and brought back blessed statue I chose, now on my shelf, for prayer's. But forget if busy not been church for 8 months. Miss it all, but never hear from any of them now? Priests did all for me moved on. Of which had so much help,done fore me, in everything. I eventually threw all mine down the loo!
After affects omg. Never again.
Hope you have taken your medicine,joking!
"I'll say a little prayer for you".
Correction Just remembered name altered now "TERRY"
Sent home from X factor definitely should have gone through, again! many state too. "And so say all of us" for he's a jolly good fellow" song too.
julie x
oldpesky | October 8, 2011 - 13:55
It's all a matter of how much you want it, Rich. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Forget million pound contracts. You have a chance to be a ringtone or email notification sound on Pesky's phone, which isn't even due an update until next year. So forget about Christmas number ones, Grammies and...damn, must dash
Cavalcaderl | October 10, 2011 - 12:55
new oldpesky
Hi! Rich how are you,still problems.
Mine won't chat! chat! Talk! Talk!
No! Virgin Mary I swiped her one, fell
on the floor, but but but still stays alight,
glowing,lights room up, say prayers being answered
many I need right now? only half crown chipped like a wire,surroundings. Buy the large blessed one,he shifted things for another screen t.v. Chipped statue. OOh! I stamp my feet and swear!
Never ever or used to, much better crying!
Not going into that one. Funny how you think marriage
be and a babe! Now re-tired mostly out,snooker bowls.
Can't get London yet! but he brings me free train.
So many things he doesn't like!
No time get church when I hours, used to go.
Boxing day help liked it all.
All have story tell on the AbcTales.
Most we grew up with all, swept under the carpet then. Just accepted and got on with it,even now.
julie x
Cavalcaderl | October 10, 2011 - 12:58
hudsonmoon
Hello! Rich, re-Pesky and Plastic Jesus
song,through him kindly,mine has managed
get words of computer, but got no tune to it?
Strangely enough,the show "Cool Hand Luke" don't know
is in the Daily Express on at London.
Like your "Mayo and moonbeams" poem in the AbcTales
Mag;23 I have bought £7.99p great glossy photos,readings and poems,of all in yeh! I have made it for two in. Gobsmacked! Did you buy it, quick by post! Well edited spaced and colour plate photos.
And names listed to.
julie cavalcaderl
oldpesky | October 10, 2011 - 18:43
Okay Julie, this is for you. Get your lyrics ready and singalong. Enjoy.
Luke has just been informed his mother has died...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG9tuuznL1Y