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On to Edmonton

Posted by Richard L. Prov... on December 29, 2011 - 21:47
from the ABC set POETRY - A Passage of Motion 2

From Jasper BC
we leave vanilla-capped
mountains, rivers of
ice and not-so-shy
elk crossing highways

then landscape changes
to rangeland, cattle hooves
stretching
into faraway tree lines
of Birch and Poplar.

The asphalt roadway
travels east, on and
on, rolled humps of hay
awaiting usage, a
white-tail doe chasing
across our view; stepping
from my car, I inhale
Nature's scent.

© 2011 Richard L. Provencher

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Comments

Stan | December 29, 2011 - 23:06

Ah, a nice piece. Reminds me of that fair country. I almost emigrated there, once. You capture it well in a few brief images.

scratch | December 29, 2011 - 23:46

You lucky lucky person that is what I dream of (not the car journey) but the environment. Leave out the last three words and this good poem becomes even better. Thanks for sharing.

Leander42 | December 30, 2011 - 08:34

Great visual description with parred down imagery.

Half agree with scratch though. The last three words don't do anything and border a little on cliche. Alas if you take them away then for me the poem seems unfinished - as if you'd been called away halfway through writing it. A little bit more might not go amiss - especially if it's as good as what's there already.

Richard L. Prov... | December 31, 2011 - 12:25

Thank you Stan, appreciate your kind words. I am not one for long poems. I try to write so the words fit in my back pocket. Richard LP

Richard L. Prov... | December 31, 2011 - 12:28

Thank you, Scratch. That is beautiful country. For any planned trip, try from Calgary, west to Banff, then north to Jasper, and east to Edmonton; a lovely sight-seeing route. Check the poem again, your suggestions are appreciated. Richard LP

Richard L. Prov... | December 31, 2011 - 12:40

Leander, I really appreciate any suggestions for improvement. Try these last lines. Thank you for your comments. Richard LP

scratch | December 31, 2011 - 12:57

Richard the end is much better for the revision, these new words have got me thinking about you 'becoming part of Natures scent' perhaps and then this might echo your original sentiments (becoming 'at one with nature') just a thought on you already good poetry.

Richard L. Prov... | December 31, 2011 - 14:31

Thanks again, Scratch. Yes, I am one with Nature. My dad said I spent so much time in the woods, I was going to turn into a tree. Until my stroke twelve years ago, I tented in the great outdoors year round and loved it. Richard LP