smoking medical pot
to relieve the sharp pain
that shoots
from my ankles
as I hobble about the house
serving T.V. dinners
to my imagined alter-ego,
watching Pavlov's dogs
chase Schrodinger's cat
down memory lane
past poor decisions
and psych unit phone rooms,
past tough Thai palms trees,
and forgotten university lovers
their bared bodies
still lit by the discovery
of Hemingway, Keats, and
the watery moons of Jupiter,
past the high school book room
where mocha in hand
I hid from the combative clatter
of fellow youths
in the hallway...
and finally slipping away
out of consciousness
into forms and dreams
I won't remember
come morning
renewed but doomed
to repeat the cycle
Never having had the luxury
of believing in anything
too firmly,
these years of up and down
but always eventually down
have animalized
my over-read philosophy:
competing understandings
growling at one another
through the jagged yellow teeth
of chronic fear
Again and again,
great armies of neurons
(theories, habits, and opinions)
smashed apart by lurching explosions
disowning my decisions
swirling and dancing
in the absence of gravitas...
searching for answers
re-coalescing into hopes
and will
to continue the struggle...
to find small joys
like cactus-water in the desert
to take warmth
from a mechanical sun
Comments
Highhat | August 13, 2011 - 13:57
This is very good Sean. You know I could relate to it very well. I know you are younger than me but we seem to have gone through the same mental state. I can usually see some of me in your poems when you touch the subject as you did here. I am so glad that you express it the way you do. It makes such an enjoyable read. I really wish I could get ahold of some marijhuana for the pain in my heels, in a legal way but I don't think they do that here in Denmark. I may ask my doctor now I have read this. Thanks a lot for sharing. Hope your baby is well? and that you are close to happiness now. The memories are a bit painful aren't they? Sorry about being so frank! Forgive me.
just a few lines I have picked out
"down memory lane
past poor decisions" and
"to find small joys
like cactus-water in the desert"
this is really so good. Love it
atb
;)Pia
seannelson | August 13, 2011 - 17:39
Hello Pia. The baby is well. No, you're fine; yes, the memories are a bit painful.
friendly regards,
Sean
seashore | August 13, 2011 - 19:31
A wonderful piece.
Cavalcaderl | August 14, 2011 - 20:50
new Seannelson
Congrats: on the cherry!
Really enjoyed, very interestingThe The way you have entwined all words and things in poem.
Well it know fact some take Cannabis for pain, some
things now, actually going be medically used for it.
To lessen the pain such as msm ME and so on. Pain any kind. Soft music is good too,and relax to it, sitting lying in a chair, meditation. etc:
Yep, memories can be painful. Hope all is going well
for you too.
julie
seannelson | August 15, 2011 - 07:54
Thank you Julie. yeah, I have really severe pain and sometimes I don't know what I'd do without medical cannabis... other times I hate being chronically stoned, but we all have our joys and tribulations. love soft music; I'm a slightly obsessive Elliott Smith song because his stuff is very rarely raucous and so doesn't wear me out, like some other music I get into. <]:- )