The notebooks I tore up
sit in bags in the hall.
There's a story in there,
about a girl who disappeared;
a sad poem about the moon.
All the diaries from thirteen
to nineteen,
with the first and second suicide notes
('I'm sorry...' 'I just wish...').
Then boxes and spirals,
houses, stick figure families,
lots of 'FUCKS' in bold black pen,
song lyrics, filled-in squares,
in coloured pencil.
Jagged-edged stars, hearts,
and his name. And his.
And his too,
in bits, nestled together,
time overlapping.
Now or next week, they will be gone
somewhere, each different,
leaves from a windblown tree,
fallen, free,
settled under a blank sky.
Comments
bukharinwasmyfa... | November 4, 2009 - 00:46
Why have the notebooks been torn up?
tcook | November 4, 2009 - 12:04
I think the notebooks have been torn up as a symbol of moving on - I like this!
shatterboxx | November 4, 2009 - 19:53
"Why have the notebooks been torn up?" - Do you really need this in the poem? I think it might just be overkill. tcook got it spot on. I'm editing this at the moment. Would it be better to leave the 1st draft up and then post the second one underneath or just edit the 1st?
tcook | November 6, 2009 - 16:11
Just edit the 1st.
bukharinwasmyfa... | November 6, 2009 - 18:42
"Do you really need this in the poem? I think it might just be overkill. tcook got it spot on."
I'm not suggesting you can't guess the reason.
I'm suggesting that some stuff in the poem that explores the reason for the tearing up might be more interesting than the fact of the tearing up itself.
Curse of 222 | November 7, 2009 - 13:29
the writings and doodles that are torn up and discarded are the clues to why it's been torn, right? i agree with tcook that it's about moving on. this is a very strong piece with good flow and structure. most of us can relate to such a notebook, and the ruin of it speaks to the idea that people change through a cathartic destruction of who they've been.
jason
shatterboxx | November 10, 2009 - 09:15
I don't think I'm going to go any further into why the tearing up occurred in this poem. I wanted to say that through the content of the notebooks. If this hasn't worked, then I'll change it.
Curse of 222 | November 10, 2009 - 22:15
i think it works!
jason
Firebird | November 12, 2009 - 22:49
Lovely poem x
staticshakedown | November 26, 2009 - 13:56
Wow, I really liked this.
owlybynight | December 11, 2009 - 18:23
Me too..felt it deep