He sits and studies
the clientele – bums
a cigarette from the barman.
Two men down their pints –
finish a game of darts.
A moth – orange and brown
studies him, studying them,
and also the light,
which drew each to this place.
A different bar –
a different evening;
the same moth – mesmerised
by a candle flame.
He sits
slumped in his chair
since yet another
one too many.
The candle weeps wax;
flickers, so dies.
Fancies himself an artist;
a piss-artist more like.
He’d made an art
of the unmade bed
long before Tracey Emin.
At chucking out time
he dons his leathers...
stumbles to his bike
and the moth, and he,
fly free...in starry skies.
Comments
Steve | December 10, 2011 - 16:28
This is absolutely a stellar poem.
Virginia Woolf once said that moths and butterflies are lower forms of angels.
When I go to bars, I get a sense that many of these men are fallen angels.
Silver Spun Sand | December 10, 2011 - 17:06
Hey, thanks, Steve;-) Really pleased you got right to the heart of the matter on this one. Much appreciated.
Tina;-)
ScoZen | December 10, 2011 - 18:14
Nice one Sand Lady.
Steve reply to you has captured the scene in a nut shell "...many of these men are fallen angels..."
Phew, I'm glad I go to a different bar?
Silver Spun Sand | December 10, 2011 - 18:42
Hi there, ScoZen...a lucky escape, hopefully;-)
Many thanks for reading and for your lovely comment.
Sand Lady;-)
scratch | December 10, 2011 - 18:59
Silver, another bit of stuff that focuces my attention for the right reasons.
"the light which drew each to this place"
....is a lovely line of poetry when set in context with the rest. The step change between the first two stanzas and the rest does not jar in the slightest, simply fluid. The continuity of the candle image and the morphism between the moth and the man elevate the whole thing. If I could make one (tiny) observation I would delete the repetition of "starry" in the last two lines.
I think it's really good, and I have read it several times so I think that that says it all.
Thanks.
Silver Spun Sand | December 10, 2011 - 19:41
Hi there, scratch. Many thanks for looking at this in such detail...and do you know what? I agree with you about the 'starry'.
Your as ever, inspired comments, highly valued;-)
Tina
hilary west | December 10, 2011 - 20:55
Lovely wistful piece with a good ending!
Silver Spun Sand | December 11, 2011 - 09:16
Many thanks, Hilary;-) Pleased you thought so.
Tina
Stan | December 11, 2011 - 20:16
Yeah, I like this, too. A bit of nostalgia for this ex-drinker.
Tracey Emin.... grumble grumble....
Silver Spun Sand | December 11, 2011 - 21:21
Thanks, so much, Stan. Tracey Emin...yeah, right;-)
Tina
skinner_jennifer | December 11, 2011 - 23:16
Hi Tina,
I love the finer detail in this poem. The idea that
the moth is watching the biker, who is watching the
clientele. Then he dons his leathers and they fly
free in starry skies.
I could picture the scene so well. Really liked
this one.
Jenny.
Cavalcaderl | December 12, 2011 - 09:08
new Silver-Spun-Sand
A stunning image poem.
Yes,like Jenny I could
picture the scene too.
Beautifully explained.
I had read it,day ago,now
see worth cherries! thought so to.
julie x
Gale force winds expected
70mph. Pray won;t come,we got
day centre,to church songs few singing!
Hope your well and weather's calm.
The engine computer we have all re-set,
job know all right buttons press!
Like a shop moves groceries around.
Silver Spun Sand | December 12, 2011 - 09:27
Thanks, Jenny. Really glad you liked;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | December 12, 2011 - 09:28
Hi there, Julie. Good to hear from you, and many thanks for reading this one.
Yes, they are forecasting more gales and such, so hang on to your hat later on today.
Have a good week;-)
Tina x
MistakenMagic | December 12, 2011 - 15:27
"Fancies himself an artist;
a piss-artist more like.
He’d made an art
of the unmade bed
long before Tracey Emin."
These lines really made me smile, Tina! Love the comparison of the moth and the man. Very well done :)
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | December 12, 2011 - 18:38
Many thanks, Magic;-)
Hope the coming week is a good one for you. Always good to hear from you.
Tina xxx