With Her Without Her

Hi Tina,

good to read your work again, you must be on the
mend.

This one has all the elements of that person who
leaves, never to return. I like the way you have
described the feelings of the person left behind.

Good read,

Jenny.

This really touched me. I have done the whole final door slam and packing thing. Thank you for this emotional beautiful read again x

Think I am on the mend, Jenny...at least I hope so;-)

Pleased you enjoyed and many thanks for letting me know.

Tina

Dark Fox - much appreciated;-)

Tina x

A lot of good lines here Tina- I could almost hear the door slam- it was very final.

;)Pia

Thanks, Pia;-) Tina

A very moving piece, Tina. So much more to this than meets the eye I'm sure.

Get well soon. Coral

Thanks so much, Coral. Am feeling much better today, thank goodness;-)

Tina

Tina, this is wonderful but so sad - the clanging coat hanger liturgy, the outgrown wind chime. It really works very well.
Rob

Thanks so much, Rob. As always, I value your judgement and criticism highly and am pleased that you took exactly what I had intended from this piece;-)

Tina

I agree, I found this very emotive and beautifully expressed. I adore the imagery, particularly;

"Suitcases – prized
free; dragged,
protesting
from the loft.
Posters bleed;
ripped
from walls...
no mercy shown;"

Beeme xx

Thanks so much, Beeme. Good to hear from you. Glad you enjoyed;-)

Tina xx

Very different from your usual style Tina, but it is nonetheless brilliant. A well deserved cherry.

Nathan x

Thanks, Nathan. You know what they say about a change being as good as a rest;-) Pleased you enjoyed, and have a great week.

Tina xx

I thought the imagery was very powerful and poetic, but I was left hanging at the end without enough information to fill in the missing pieces. Who was the having the hissy fit and why? Where will she go and what will become of our emotionally distraught protagonist? It's only in the second to last stanza that we learn that it is a 'she'.

This is not to say I don't like the piece but rather that it left me with "a wind-chime, long-since outgrown, of butterflies and birds,stoically knells... shepherding emptiness into neat, little rows."

To play the Devil's advocate, because your language is so unique, the other miscellaneous information could prove a distraction. The poem is what it is - a rather lovely, fragile and ephemeral snapshot of emotional upheaval. Case closed.

Hi there, Barry;-)

I do in fact introduce the subject of the poem in the first stanza. I.e. 'Down the staircase from her room'. Apart, of course, from the title;-)

Hopefully, I thought I had set the scene throughout for a girl going off to Uni or wherever. My two girls grew out of posters round about their eighteenth birthdays, and so I thought that might help, along with the 'borrowed' holdalls that would probably never be seen again. To me, it would be obvious from this that it was an amicable parting, and not some fraught family row, or whatever.

The wind-chime too was a hark back to a not so long ago childhood, or so it was intended.

Pleased you enjoyed it on the whole though, Barry and once again, many thanks for your valued comments;-)

Tina