You hear a fragment
of a tune; there were
gulls, and green lights,
and pink, plastic sandals...
a cafe on the beach –
a candle that flickered,
so died in the breeze...
a glance you shared...
her footprints on washed,
wet sand, and a time
her barefoot toes brushed
yours, making stars collide.
Comments
fatboy74 | May 6, 2011 - 23:24
I love this poem Tina, unlike me you are not afraid to write shorter poems - this is wonderful. :-)
Highhat | May 7, 2011 - 04:53
Amazing how music can set the memory alight Tina.A very atmospheric poem. I enjoyed it.
;)Pia
maisie | May 7, 2011 - 05:33
i especially enjoyed the first two stanzas. I think you could tidy it up a little yet, and the last one - i'm not sure about personally.
tis your poem tho, and please only take my suggestions if they suit your style...
thanks
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 07:48
So pleased you enjoyed, fb;-) Less can often be more, as they say;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 07:50
I guess we all have our own style of writing, you are right there, maisie;-)
Pleased you enjoyed.
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 07:50
Music is so evocative, you are right, Pia. Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed;-)
Tina
mikepyro | May 7, 2011 - 07:54
I think the use of the duel ... Isn't needed since the ideas sorta flow into one another. Makes it easier to trip up and feels rather overdramatic which your writing usually isnt
I really enjoyed the piece. Simple and powerful and captures this emotion in a way that doesn't feel sappy. I psrticularly enjoyed the last few lines.
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 08:01
Many thanks for reading, mike and for your comments. I'm glad you liked it;-)
Tina
seashore | May 7, 2011 - 08:41
I'm a sucker for short poems that say a lot and this does. Love the last stanza especially.
oldpesky | May 7, 2011 - 09:30
Loved this. And I think the last stanza where stars collide is brilliant. Got me right where you aimed.
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 10:29
Coral - I guess we're all suckers for one thing or the other. Many thanks for reading;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 10:31
Ta for that oldpesky...it seems I'm a much better aim with poetry than I am with darts. Not that I've played for years, mind. Many thanks for reading. Glad you liked.
Tina
RachelPatricia | May 7, 2011 - 15:36
Another stunning piece from the terrific Tina - last lines got me right where they got oldpesky!
Just beautiful, as always, and thoroughly enjoyed :)
Rachel xx
skinner_jennifer | May 7, 2011 - 16:02
Isn't it wonderful, how a piece of music can conjure
up so many memories.
Thankyou Tina for sharing your memories with us the
reader.
I would love to know what piece of music, helped you
to write such a beautiful poem.
Jenny.
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 17:50
Rachel - so good to hear from you. Thanks so much for reading, and for your words.
Tina xx
Silver Spun Sand | May 7, 2011 - 17:55
Hi there Jenny, not sure if this song is before your time, but indeed it was 'If' by a seventies
group called 'Bread'. Such a beautiful tune and the lyrics are so very evocative.
Many thanks for your lovely comment, and 'now you know', as they say;-)
Tina
hilary west | May 8, 2011 - 16:06
Loved this one - a delight !
Silver Spun Sand | May 8, 2011 - 16:14
Many thanks, hilary;-) Tina
MistakenMagic | May 9, 2011 - 17:03
"and a time
her barefoot toes brushed
yours, making stars collide."
- Such a wonderful ending, Tina! The lines really do explode off the page. Very well done on the cherry :)
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | May 9, 2011 - 17:32
Hi there, Magic. Thanks for taking time out to read this, and I hope you are having a good week;-)
Tina xxx
Nathan Bednarek | May 9, 2011 - 21:16
Short and sweet. Just a wonderful read. Well done.
Nathan x
Silver Spun Sand | May 10, 2011 - 09:57
Thanks, Nathan;-)
Tina x