Did i fill your world with love

Cherry

By swindonwoody

Fri, 24 Jun 2011
  • 1661 reads
11 comments
 

never have thought this day would come
don't know how this came to be
it's too much
we can't go on
but before i go
and you
know i right
i have to ask

did i fill your world with joy
did i fill it it with love
did i fill it with hope
oh those golden
days we had
when life
was not that bad
you know
what i mean
i have ask you
please
did i fill you world with love

each step is painful
but i know it must be done
packing this suitcase
i want to run
and jump on the bed
and weep

did i fill your world with joy
did i fill it with love
did i fill it with hope
oh those golden
days we had
when life
was not that bad
you know
what i mean
i have ask you
please
did i fill you world with love

there all done
nothing left
but air
and the room we share
but before i leave
i have to ask
did i fill your world with love
did i fill it with joy
forgot about the bad things
try to remember the good
i hope i fill your world
with love

Certificate U
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I really enjoyed this. One suggestion:"never been thinking this day would come" - I think it might sound better if you said "never thought this day would come"

 

Submitted by Highhat on
This is really lyrical- I liked it very much ;)Pia

Submitted by swindonwoody on
ty pia and inset for your kind word ... i change one word.. dont know if it works it doe snot flow to me but i will levae it up see whatyou think. ty maggie

maggie

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
how about "never have thought" then? I see what you mean about the flow, but never been thinking is grammatically wrong - and it's not a colloquialism either - it's just wrong! I know that sounds picky it's just this is really good, and it deserves not to have something that jars the reader

 

Submitted by swindonwoody on
ty yes it flow just right now with that one word put in i am happy ty for in put smile maggie

maggie

Submitted by fatboy74 on
i really like this also - quite heartbraking emphasised by the repetition. :-)

 

Submitted by swindonwoody on
ty fatboy for kind words

maggie

Submitted by Highhat on
Glad to see you got cherries for this one Maggie- very richly deserved. Congrats. ;)Pia

Submitted by LTBurbery on
This puts across really well how grim it is splitting up with somebody. Although sometimes it has to be done you still hope you have made them happy in some way. This poem has put that across really well.

Submitted by LTBurbery on
Sorry, forgot to introduce myself, my name is Lee.

Submitted by swindonwoody on
hi Lee ty for you kind words. i look at the world and jump into people minds. you know walk in another shoes to see how they feel. thank you maggie

maggie