Hello Mrs. Murray, how’s your old man john?
Not well? Oh, that’s a pity.
What seems to have gone wrong?
Trouble with the plumbing? What is it, flood or drought?
It’s bad when you can’t keep it in;
worse when it won’t come out!
How’s your sister, Vera? Is she up the stick again?
She wants to keep her drawers on
or should keep away from men.
Who is the father this time? Or is it a wild guess?
Tell her to buy a sex toy,
it would save her half the mess!
I bought me one for Christmas, it vibrates with a hum.
It’s great; no grunts or farting
and it always makes me cum!
Here did you hear the news; Tony Blair has got the sack?
It made ‘Fat’ Judy nervous;
her son’s out there in Iraq.
She said he was a Bastard, who couldn’t stay on track.
He won’t be here five minutes
when she wants to send him back
Mrs. Jackson’s jealous; it’s put her out of fettle.
She looks just like a Bulldog
that’s licked piss off a nettle!
She can’t bear people fussing, if she is not the cause.
When her old man was buried,
her act nearly drew applause.
I better hit the kitchen and start my old man’s tea
because today is payday;
I need shoes but nothing’s free!
I’ve had headaches all week long; I’ve kept him like a monk!
It could be grunt and fart night,
I just hope he ain’t too drunk.
Well, see you Mrs. Murray; I’ll talk to you again!
Hope your old man's waterworks
don’t cause YOU to much pain.
Comments
MistakenMagic | June 28, 2009 - 12:35
Oh Chris this is hilarious!
'She looks just like a Bulldog
that’s licked piss off a nettle!'
- one hell of a simile there ;) Now my favourite insult!
Magic xxx
sarah wilson | June 28, 2009 - 12:38
Mine too - can't stop giggling Chris. Thanks! sarah x
brainbox11 | June 28, 2009 - 13:41
thats really good! ive extended princess sleeper just to let you know
:D
Bekka
SundaysChild | June 28, 2009 - 21:19
Ace. What a great piece!
Curse of 222 | June 29, 2009 - 02:41
you've got quite a knack for the hilarious...always good for a well-written laugh. good job.
jason
Nathan Bednarek | June 29, 2009 - 22:30
Brilliant! It sounds a bit like a storyline from 'Shameless' ;-D
Lovely work. Really made me laugh!
Nathan.
Dynamaso | June 30, 2009 - 02:23
Very funny, Chris. It reckon it would sound great read out loud. I've been away for a couple of weeks so I've got a bit of catching up to do. Thanks for the laugh, mate.
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:27
Thanks Magic; does conjure up a nasty picture I suppose lol. Glad you liked ;)
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:32
Delighted to hear that you giggled Sarah - I love a giggler, always found it a most attractive trait and testament to lovely personality. There are not enough gigglers in the world LOL. Glad you liked ;)
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:33
Bekka, great to hear from you; glad you liked and I will check out your work shortly ;)
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:36
Thanks SC. 'Ace!' great word that brings me back. You've been watching Wimbledon, haven't you lol. Glad you liked it and got a laugh out of it. ;)
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:38
Thanks to you Jason; some would swap hilarious for ridiculous but I like hilarious better lol. ;) Well done on your recent work, thoroughly enjoyed it.
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:41
Lol, thanks Nathan; love shameless! My kind of comedy but then, I'm open to all kinds of comedy ;) glad you got a laugh out of it.
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 08:42
Cheers D. I thought that you had been quiet for a while; good to have you back ;)
Silver Spun Sand | June 30, 2009 - 10:10
As someone once said, Chris, "Ooooh...you are awful! But I like you."
Great poem, and I bet you enjoyed writing it almost as much as I enjoyed reading it.
Tina;-)xx
threeleafshamrock | June 30, 2009 - 11:14
The 'Dick Emery Show' Tina; Wow what great memories that phrase has conjured. Very risqué in its time and charged with innuendo but brilliant. Thanks for the reminder and glad that you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it lol.
Chris XX