The Razor

It all went horribly wrong
when she caught him shaving his legs.
She had doubted him; sure, all along,
when she found all the black soggy dregs.

But of course, what made her cringe,
was his manner and his whining calls;
how the stubble that grew on her minge
was tearing the skin off his balls.

It also explained why, that itch
that had frazzled her very last nerve
(and caused Ellen Goodyear, the bitch
to report her for being a perv)

had caused her too scratch in a fit
that the manager thought was a wank;
one customer made a deposit
that they don’t usually take at the bank.

She’d gone, one lunchtime for cream
and lobbed on a dollop or three;
it had ran down her leg in a stream
and dripped just like spunk from her knee.

Well, she’d make him pay for her pain
and embarrassment; she had a plan!
Then she’d sit and watch him explain
to his mates, who thought he was ’The Man’

She set up a camera one day,
when she got him gone to the pub.
She hid it behind the ashtray
in their bathroom, right beside the tub

Sure enough, later that week -
when she’d gone to work on the bus -
in her bedroom, he did sneak
and borrowed her razor; the Wuss!

Her panties, he pulled from her drawer
and put on; squeezing his tackle in,
then stood in front of the mirror
and put on her lipstick with a grin .

I am so gorgeous, he cried
as he lathered his legs with the soap;
and then as the razor did glide,
pulled his cock as if it were a rope.

He stood into the bath and washed clean,
his smooth-as-silk freshly shaved shins.
He looked like a right fucking queen
as he had a good wank for his sins

When she watched the playback; she was stunned
this was better than she had dare hope!
It was worth half of her pension fund
she was higher than if she’d smoked dope.

Next Saturday, soon came you see
and the lads were all coming for drinks.
The football was starting at three
she’d set up the recorder; the minx

He always recorded the match
so that they could all watch it again
Macho Man, with a grunt and a scratch
shouted; push the ‘record’ button Jayne!

Her pussy was feeling quite wet;
the excitement had built up all day.
It was time to repay an old debt
as she grabbed the remote and pressed play.

The cheering died down like a shot
and you could have heard a mouse fart,
Macho was glued to the spot
as his masculine world fell apart

The lads at the end, gave a glance
at their ‘mate’ as he stood there; head bent.
He seemed as if in a deep trance
and experiencing inner torment

They filed out and not a word passed
between them and the leg-shaving queen;
their friendship; a thing of the past,
after what they had watched on the screen.

She’d had her bags packed in advance
and she followed them out the front door.
She’d go to her sister in France
well...she couldn’t stay here anymore!

So guys learn from this rule of thumb
and if you feel the urge for to shave,
don’t use your bird’s razor; it’s dumb
and the consequences can be grave!