Home

The River

Posted by threeleafshamrock on March 8, 2009 - 18:50
from the ABC set Lurve Ramblings

Born in the mountains of hope,
I fell, a trickle;
Becoming a stream, that both
Separated and joined - gave
Meaning and sustained!
I grew with the floods,
To become a mighty river;

A torrent that raged and
Tore through the heart
Of the arid, parched domain.
I was unstoppable; no mortal
Could withstand my power
When at its peak!

But I was assaulted!
Cynicism raised an army!
Her allies; Jealousy, Fear,
Ambivalence, Insecurity
And Doubt travelled with her!
Using their proven skills,
They attacked!

Doubt built a bridge
That spanned my current;
At my lowest ebb.
With perfect timing
Ambivalence was lowered
Into the shallows;
He created a platform
For Insecurity and Fear.
Jealousy, with her special
Poison, joined the fray.

I felt a weakening,
As though my surge
Were dammed and damned;
The passion of my flow
Diverted onto the hungry
Sands of Despondency,
That form the antapex
In the valley of Rancour

I fought hard against the foe
But was abandoned and alone;
Outnumbered, fatally wounded;
I petered out and died!
I will rise again and flow;
Others seeking my power
Will know me; call me,
For my name is well known!

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Silver Spun Sand | March 8, 2009 - 21:41

Brilliantly put, Chris. Wonderful imagery here. I admire it and applaud it.

Tina X

Dynamaso | March 9, 2009 - 01:42

This kind of reminded me of one of my pieces, called 'Ways Of Water' (read it here: http://www.abctales.com/story/dynamaso/ways-water)

I really like the imagery too. The very last line may be a little obvious, though. But then, maybe I'm being too picky.

jennifer | March 9, 2009 - 08:45

Superb, clever use of words to create imagery and metaphor.

I agree with Dy, you don't need the last line - if people 'get it', great, if it isn't obvious, then it's open to multiple interpretations - ambiguous and superb!

J x

threeleafshamrock | March 9, 2009 - 17:22

Thanks Tina, D. and Jen. To be honest the last line really bothered me too but I guess that I just wanted people to get the message. Have taken it out now and feel that you were right. Let's see what happens ;)
Thanks for your comments all, much appreciated!

Chris X

threeleafshamrock | March 9, 2009 - 18:24

A CHERRY!! I feel my tide rising; thanks so much and thanks for your advice and support Tina, D. and Jen. X

MistakenMagic | March 9, 2009 - 18:56

Well done on the cherry Chris! I love this phrasing;

'Doubt built a bridge
That spanned my current;
At my lowest ebb.'

Such a unique piece, well done!

Magic xxx

threeleafshamrock | March 9, 2009 - 19:09

Thanks Magic XX

luigi_pagano | March 9, 2009 - 19:39

A very well crafted composition, Chris, and a good metaphor. Some well defined and clever lines such as:
"I felt a weakening,
As though my surge
Were dammed and damned;"
Well done on the cherry.

threeleafshamrock | March 9, 2009 - 20:10

Thanks Luigi, much appreciated!

Nathan Bednarek | March 11, 2009 - 17:26

'Doubt built a bridge
That spanned my current;
At my lowest ebb.'

Some of the best imagery I've read on this website so far. The poem takes you on a journey, so delicate and careful, yet gripping and haunting all at the same time. Love is impossible to describe or to put in an equation, but you came very close to its very depth.

This poem is now one of my favourites on abctales.

Thank you and well done for writing this beautiful piece.

Nathan.

threeleafshamrock | March 11, 2009 - 19:20

Wow, thanks Nathan; praise indeed! Glad that you liked it and appreciate the kind words. You will have me blushing - and that don't happen to often ;)

Chris ;)