The Man Who Feeds the Pigeons
By the unfolding head
Fri, 27 Jan 2012
- 681 reads
7 comments
The man
who feeds the pigeons
coughs like a soul
fighting
fire
and then he swears loudly
at God
The top of his voice
spelling out
each
word
with pity
He sits in his shop
surrounded by lonely artefacts
carved from brass and
stone
Cherub faces, sad flowers
empty smiles
silent
in dust
I went in once
for lack of else to do
and
he eyed me coldly
rooted
to the chair
embalmed by the funk
of
nicotine lungs
pale
and
infested
Every morning I hear
a rough
clatter
cough
rising from the courtyard
and I nod
knowing
it’s the man who feeds the pigeons
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Comments
Really liked this peice, and
Really liked this peice, and the fact that you resisted the old tuppence a bag - which i cant...
the word that hung out for me as wrong was 'lonely' in stanza 4, perhaps you need a viait to a thearsorus....sp!!!!!eek.
for a nearly unused one!
I also felt a little overwhelmed by your detail about his condition, you sum it up with the 'nicotine lungs' really well, you could cut some of the rest out. Your image is so much there, you don't need to know he's infested or pale..etc
hope you don't object to my thoughts on this
maisie
Guess what? I'm still alive!
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Really liked this peice, and
Really liked this peice, and the fact that you resisted the old tuppence a bag - which i cant...
the word that hung out for me as wrong was 'lonely' in stanza 4, perhaps you need a viait to a thearsorus....sp!!!!!eek.
for a nearly unused one!
I also felt a little overwhelmed by your detail about his condition, you sum it up with the 'nicotine lungs' really well, you could cut some of the rest out. Your image is so much there, you don't need to know he's infested or pale..etc
hope you don't object to my thoughts on this
maisie
Guess what? I'm still alive!
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The penultimate stanza is
The penultimate stanza is outstanding from all the other good ones that comes before and after it. Re Maisies comment, I found all the images that you provided powerful, insightful and considered. I think that if you had front loaded your poem with them rather than bringing one (good one) in in the last third the overall beauty would be even better than it is now. But this is incidental I really enjoyed this poem the unfolding head, thanks for sharing.
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Emotive and haunting. Tina
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Emotive and haunting.
Tina
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