You’ve come too late, my love, to shine;
an antique pearl in an age of swine.
Man’s lost all love for things divine.
You are the sun but men are blind.
First came the flowers; when Nature’s hand
invented some new thing called beauty;
then, for her mirror, she made man
and, at first, mankind knew its duty.
But man and Nature moved apart;
bright reverence turned to self- love;
now man’s the subject of his art
and Earth kneels whilst he towers above.
Now, through self-love, man’s lost himself.
His soul, with nature, once entwined,
now cannot tell true worth from wealth.
You’ve come too late, my love, to shine.
Comments
fatboy74 | November 9, 2011 - 17:56
I really like this wellwisher but something that flows as well as this seems to trip over itself with all those commas in the first two lines and last line of the last stanza - I know you are coming to the crux and want to emphasise but it seems to work even better without all the interuption.
A beautiful poem. :-)
well-wisher | November 11, 2011 - 23:32
Thank you, Fatboy. Glad you liked it.
It wasn't easy removing the commas without altering the meaning of the lines and I had to change some of the words but I have removed two commas and a semi-colon. Hope it flows better now.
JoHn -
"Ex amore victoria". ("From love comes victory".)
fatboy74 | November 12, 2011 - 13:39
There's still too much for my liking, but I find editing my own poems like pulling teeth when it's done and dusted so well done for the edit. This gets even better with more reads - just great. :-)