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Will I ever forget..

They say time is a healer.

I'm getting ready to leave for Thailand in a few days. I'll be teaching English at a university there, in a city known for Buddhist temples. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression, to the point that I often freeze up in crucial situations or occasionally even sabotage my own projects. Nonetheless, my recent life has been blessed with many small joys. Yesterday, I took a walk in Lithia Park, which is always beautiful during the Fall. There, I saw a smallish tree that was positively awash in fire-orange leaves.

Take me through the corridor of trees Up the gravel escalator

Back in the time when my world had unravelled and my life spun away, I was taken to a building, all battleship grey and electric lights, to be fixed up, measured, watcheded and labelled. And in there was Ralph: unapproachable Ralph, the Mad Maori, furious angry and dangerous. He was tough guy big, a natural born lump, they came in mob-handed when Ralph fetched up, kept him by the security door and braced themselves for violence. He could scare people shitless with just a look, pin them to the spot with his energy, but when he rolled up on the wrong side of the door he looked over his new domain and just smiled at his keepers. He dwarfed them all.

There's a report out that stress can kill crocodiles. Scene: The Jungle. Some Crocodiles are in conversation. Lou grabbed another tissue from the box and dabbed feebly at his eyes. "What's up Lou?" said Marvin his best friend. "I haven't been sleeping recently" Lou snuffled. "Why's that?" snorted Marvin. "It's those damned digging machines that seem to go on all through the night for that new highway that Man is digging through the jungle" said Lou stertorously. "Yes I know" said Marvin "there was a time when all a croc had to worry about, was ending up in Bond st. as a handbag or a pair of shoes. "But now Man is chopping down the Jungle he's destroying the ozone layer, polluting the seas, George Bush is going to Invade Iran and the word is Margaret Thatcher has intimated that she may come out of retirement and run for leader of the Conservative party".

Funny isn't it, how you can share your thoughts, feelings & whole being with someone, be the only one they confide in, be the only one they love completely. Then, in a heartbeat, you don't talk anymore, can't even discuss the weather or what's in the papers.

I noticed that my hands were shaking this evening. Three cups of coffee in one afternoon. I think that's all it was.

Like I said, I've never been in hospital, not properly. There are certain standard jokes to be found in films like "Carry on Doctor or any hospital scene that will always guarantee a laugh. I'm about to go through a classic comedy moment here, I thought to myself as the pretty young doctor tugged, bravely at my jeans to expose my shamefully unwashed buttocks.