BLEACH

Cherry

By Bee

Wed, 28 May 2014
  • 3043 reads
15 comments
 

Grime-cracked nails will ever scuff
at folds of laddered silk
crimsoned in shudders of the muscle memory

of invasion and of being heaved beneath an ocean
of profanities growled foul-breathed then surfaced
ruined, steeped in filth,

the stench of which will never fade - 
no matter that the remnant rags be washed
a thousand times in salt and bleached.

Though stitched and patched,
normality will stubbornly retain an impression 
of dishonour and of dignity unredeemable. 

Certificate 18
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by thecure on

I really like this, I love the way you use language and imagery, well done. 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi thecure.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and for your kind comments.

Bee

Submitted by Hydra on

Vivid imagery and vocabulary choice lift this poem off the page and into the reader's mind.

Especially liked the first three lines and the way 'crimsoned in shudders' breaks the iambic rythym, adding to imagery.

The line 'of profanities growled foul breathed' is for me perhaps a little bit close to 19th century inversion and I would have preferred something more modern. But still a stunning poem.

Scorpio88

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Scorpio88.

Glad you thought it worked - and thanks for thinking about it. 

Much appreciated.

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

You did something like this a while ago? This is briefer, and so I guess a harder punch still. I think you want to show how deeply such acts destroy, and, humanly speaking cannot be healed or forgotten. Very powerful. Only grace can help. Some testimonies of finding life afterwards can be very moving too. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon. Yes, it's an edit of one I posted a couple of times some time ago, but removed on both occasions after about half an hour. You have such a good memory. 

Thank you.

Bee

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Bee, this is a vivid study of despoliation, grime,filth 'out,out damned spot'. It's good.          Elsie

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Elsie. 'Despoliation' - good word. 

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

HI Bee

This certainly is a gritty read - of the pain and hopelessness of certain aspects of life. well done.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Jean.

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Editor for the cherries - very much appreciated.

Bee

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Two super poems and two sets of well earned cherries.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks again, Ed. That you read, and your comments are very much appreciated.

Bee

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello Bee,

Another well thought out poem that gets the little grey cells whirring! There are a few poets on here whose work I really admire and you are numbered among them.

Well done on the cherries.

 

Moya

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you so very much, Moya - for taking the time to read and for your encouraging comments. They mean such a lot.

Bee