I can only imagine
the air splintering
hollow-
too cautious to intake,
for fear of the next
explosion
the desperation,
as he scrambles
towards his dying
wife-
her blood
running like a
late flower blooming.
Your voice,
lost and grieving.
Against the bullet- torn skyline,
gaps where stars should shine.
The words caught
in a tangle
of barbed wire bruises,
as they rise.
“Mama!”
your heart
beating so fast
screaming
at your father
to find shelter,
your feet
heavy as lead,
your hands
clipped-
like wings of a bird,
“Papa!”
praying to start again.
Praying for your father's life.
Comments
insertponceyfre... | June 16, 2011 - 12:04
I really like this Beeme! Very glad to see you got over your block - and good luck in the competition.
You are missing the apostrophe from father's in the final line
Silver Spun Sand | June 16, 2011 - 12:10
I like this one, too Beeme, and wish you every success with it in the competition;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | June 16, 2011 - 12:21
Thank you both very much. I'm very relieved to be coming out of my writers block too :)
Beeme xx
seashore | June 16, 2011 - 13:10
I echo what Tina has said - very good poem. We all get these `blocks' unfortunately.
Beeme | June 16, 2011 - 13:13
Thank you very much Seashore. I know, it's so fustrating sometimes.
Beeme xx
Highhat | June 16, 2011 - 16:12
A very dramatic poem Beeme- I thought it was very good.
I like the structure and the short lines that seem to explain everything themselves without too many words.
Good luck
;)Pia
Beeme | June 16, 2011 - 16:54
Thank you so much Pia, for reading and for leaving such an encouraging comment :)
Beeme xx
Cavalcaderl | June 16, 2011 - 18:36
New Beeme
Good luck with the comp:
I like this one too, lot of
memories in it. Yes, I think
most get a block, and me, so keep
coming back learning and reading all
other's, or paper's cards keep mind active.
Worse if I stay of a while. As I shoudn't.
julie xx
rjnewlyn | June 16, 2011 - 18:40
Yes, good luck with this - it's very good. Powerful and gut-wrenching.
Rob
Beeme | June 16, 2011 - 18:48
Thank you very much Julie and Rob!
Beeme xx
fatboy74 | June 16, 2011 - 22:27
Air splintering hollow - pretty powerful stuff. Loads of luck for the comp and sorry to hear of your writing struggles. ATB Fatboy
Beeme | June 17, 2011 - 08:26
Thanks very much Fatboy!I'm just trying to write through it.
Beeme xx
Nathan Bednarek | June 19, 2011 - 17:28
Powerful and haunting. Very good. Much enjoyed.
Nathan x
Beeme | June 19, 2011 - 17:34
Thank you very much Nathan!
Beeme xx
shoe | June 21, 2011 - 15:41
Dramatic story telling and quite startling imagery, good luck for the comp.
Beeme | June 21, 2011 - 17:16
Thank you Shoe :)
Beeme xx
AnnikaM | June 24, 2011 - 15:59
Nice one..I like simplicity in a poem structure and this has it with depth..
Beeme | June 24, 2011 - 20:22
thank you very much AnnikaM
Beeme xx
Nolan | June 26, 2011 - 00:42
These family fights can get out of hand.
SundaysChild | July 2, 2011 - 13:32
Very good Beeme, very striking indeed- and I love the ending. Good luck :) xx
Beeme | July 2, 2011 - 14:00
Thank you so much SundayChild, your good wishes are greatly appreciated.
Beeme xx
awsamy | July 3, 2011 - 12:57
Beautifully sad :) i wish you the best of biased luck ;P xx
AnnikaM | July 3, 2011 - 19:01
Thanks for the lovely comment Awsamy!
AnnikaM | July 3, 2011 - 19:01
Thanks for the lovely comment Awsamy!
Beeme | July 6, 2011 - 21:57
thanks amy! xx