We were living
in a world where
each second was an hour-glass,
flowing to the speed of
our un-obtainable dream.
Which fled,
like the sand,
away from our bodies,
leaving only ourselves
to transform into mountains.
Mounds of ash and dirt,
on which we took it in turns
to shout our messages to one
another,
across the horizon,
hoping one day
to finalise our feelings.
Until God himself stood in
the middle of our tornado of words,
our battle for more time,
threatening to unveil
a plauge of locus,
from angry heart shaped clouds,
if we wouldn't let up.
So we did.
And I tried
for a while
to live,
feeling like the director
had just shouted 'cut',
a million scenes too early.
And I tried to hide the anguish,
which was turning
my body
into an item,
left in the lost and found at school.
Parts which you refused to return,
parts which I could no longer identify.
Comments
rjnewlyn | September 21, 2010 - 21:36
It's a very sad one but in a beautiful sort of way, particularly the last few lines. Well expressed.
Rob
MistakenMagic | September 22, 2010 - 08:54
This is beautiful, Beeme. I love the short line structure - and canreally relate to all the ideas and emotions expressed here. Thank you!
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | September 22, 2010 - 10:04
Can only echo what has already been said, Beeme. Poignant and beautiful sums it up.
Tina xx
fatboy74 | September 22, 2010 - 13:04
Really like the break in the middle and change of pace. Some memorable lines. V.good.
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 14:09
Thank you Rob, I'm really glad you enjoyed.
Beeme xx
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 14:11
Thank you Magic, I'm really happy you enjoyed this one and took so much from it :)
Beeme xx
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 14:38
Thank you Tina, your kind words mean alot.
Beeme xx
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 14:39
Thank you Fatboy74, I'm very happy you enjoyed :)
Beeme xx
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 14:41
I'm glad the structure worked :)
shoe | September 22, 2010 - 14:52
I like the midway change too, and I especially like the second stanza, in fact I like it all!
Beeme | September 22, 2010 - 15:10
wow, thank you so much Shoe!
Beeme xx
Kahdai | September 26, 2010 - 14:30
Aaw Beeme its a song to me!
Larkin Williamson | September 26, 2010 - 15:19
If I ever want to convince someone that wisdom has nothing to do with age...I will show them a poem of yours. You are an amazing blessing to those of us who enjoy poetry! Thank you. :)
Nolan | September 26, 2010 - 15:59
I’m at a loss for words
Beeme | September 26, 2010 - 18:12
Thank you Kahdai, I'm very glad you enjoyed :)
Thank you so much Larkin, that's the nicest comment I have ever received and it means so much :) I'm so happy my poetry pleases you so much! It makes writing so worth while.
Thank you Nolan..I think thats a compliment :)
Beeme xx
Nolan | September 26, 2010 - 18:34
Not a single phrase nor sentence did not bewilder me. Enchant me.
Take my breath away &&
Beeme | September 26, 2010 - 18:38
Thank you for taking the time to come back and clarify for me, your phrase really means so much! Your comment took my breath away :) Thank you so much Nolan :)
Beeme xx
darkenwolf | September 26, 2010 - 18:41
youy have a gift for touching the soul,
another powerful work.
Beeme | September 26, 2010 - 18:42
Wow thank you so much Darkenwolf!
Beeme xx