Nothing Ever Really Happens

I absolutely loved this, FB. Totally off its own head and 'That cunt Ray Mears better not try anything though' nearly killed me. I want more of this, I really do. There's an attitude here that's simply infectious. Very, very much enjoyed, felt like I went on an adventure into language and landed in a poetic paradigm - genius :)

Rachel xx

This is fantastic, fb;) A tortoise with attitude with a capital 'A'.

Tina;-)

Brilliant stuff. I'm loving it.

Rich

Hi Rachel - I'm really pleased you liked this, thank you for such a supportive and encouraging comment. This started off life as a poem but ended up expanding and now it is what it is and I'm not sure really what that is. Anyway cheers. :-)

Thanks for the cherries kind people. :-)

Hi Tina, thank you for reading my story - you're very kind as always. :-)

Cheers Rich. :-)

What can I say FB? you have a style all of your own,
when it comes to writing and you blow me away with
your knowledge of so many ideas...people and just
subjects in general. I loved the humour in this
piece as well. Definitely more humour! Loved it.

Thankyou for sharing.

Jenny.

Thanks Jenny, really pleased you liked this - it's a bit naughty this one but I like a good swear at times. ATB Fatboy :-)

Great fun reading this one fb.

I could just see the "...Yesterday I stared down a French Nuclear Submarine..."

Really funny I thought.

Excellent - wonderfully surreal and irreverent. Certainly one to make the reader stop and think, even if their brain gets twisted round a few notches in the process. I wouldn't want to read this when anything other than sober.

Rob

I don't often do the prose stuff scozen so it means a lot when you prose wallahs praise my stuff. Cheers. :-)

Cheers Rob, I still think it could have been a poem if i'd tried a bit harder but I like how it turned out in the end. I really enjoy writing prose, I might try and write a bit more in the future - the poetry's really annoying me at the minute anyway.

ATB fatboy

You should definitely write more of this prose malarkey. In fact, I don't know how you'd do it, but I'm sure you could write the phone book as good as Elvis could sing it.

'the poetry's really annoying me at the minute anyway.'

Love that comment. Leave the sordid world of poetry behind and follow me to the land of stories; it's a land of milk and honey where you can live happily ever after.

You're very kind to me OP - and the world of prose, I must admit, I have yearned for this past year; is it too geeky to compare this moment of temptation to when Galadriel passes the test when offered the ring of power by Frodo? Must I now also diminish and go into the west having shunned your dark advances (I have by the way)?

living happily ever after is not for us poets but I appreciate the offer. atb fatboy

Nice bit of comic relief after reading your "I Can't Help Wishing Christopher". I really went on a journey with this one.

Thanks Maggy. :-)

No it isn't wrong. This is very, very right. Highly original, clever and very funny. Maybe dip your toe into the prose section a little more often and treat us all? No pressure. Perhaps you and Oldpesky could do a double act. Nicely placed bit of swearing if you ask me, which I am sure you didn't. Just great.

Really pleased you liked this OTT - I always forget what an original and uncompromising writer of poetry you are because your prose is such a big hit and I think because the first things I read of yours were poems I still think of you as a poet who writes excellent prose.

I don't get to swear in real life so it feels good to let it out. Thanks as always for your kind feedback - great to hear from you. :-)

When I saw your reply to my comment, it literally made my week. But I am not in your league, nor will ever be. So I might just stick to the humerous prose malarkey. In fact it has crossed my mind to delete all my poems to make me look a better writer than I am. But how can I lose all your wonderful comments. Besides, it would be against all my principles, which as you know are very rigid. Just off to up my read count.

Yes that's naughty stop it, I would never do something like that! I seem to have a bit of a cherry blanket going on at the mo but i'm still very proud of some of my earlier stuff that wasn't cherried and that showed me learning how to do it better, I think your poems deserve to stay, and should be added to:

I have been cramping with the birth struggle.
Now I have new infants, squalling and
sour they all have the same volcanic whine.
I tend them anyway, hush them as they
screech. You look at them, dismally, drearily.
You are proud but sad , conceived as they were
through a surgical gown-gloom.

I wish there was one more inside me, to pull
from the pink, bright me of hearts and harvests.
It would be perfect and smiling, a replica of
you, and me when I am sunset- sheen.

and this is as good as anything I have read on this site and I've read quite a bit of poetry this last year - your humourous prose as you call it does the quality of your writing a diservice, it's an awful lot more than just that and you have a load of brilliant comments to prove it. ATB Fatboy :-)

I am that so touched that I would gladly pass on any Stone Roses tickets that come my way. I am too old to go anyway, unless they let people with zimmerframes in that is. Your words mean so much to me. I think the poem you quoted above is more comprehensible than many of my poems, which seem to be, upon reflection, a mix of the personal is political but that one was more staightforward. I also want to thank you - because your comments under my latest dirge gave me the impetus to finally knuckle down to ABC OCD - Finally Some Good News. Coming your way soon! And it's all your fault! Hugs from me if your other half permits.

I had a nice little laugh with this. And was pleased to see that not everyone has forgotten Dustin Gee :)

Hello again FB. Shunned my advances? Bloody story of my life! Yes, story of my life, not poem of my life. Bah! I'm away back over the fence.

OTT, don't you dare start that deleting carry on.

Well OP - at the expense of rudely using someone else's pace (which is a practice I abhor) they are my poems and I will delete if I want.

Sorry FB. That was an inexcusable aberration.

I think she's fine with the hugs but the dog can get tetchy! If i've helped in any way to help you keep writing OTT I am made up, that's why this place is so good - I was on the verge of jacking it in a while back and a couple of well timed comments from you and a few others pushed me in the right direction. Never mind about The Stone Roses, like you i'm not sure my bones could take a mauling from fifty thousand stoned Mancunians - I'll get it on DVD. Look forward to some new stuff soon. atb fatboy :-)

P.S That pesky man just knows a good writer when he reads one. :-)

Hi jlb - yes Dustin Gee, the River Pheonix of the comedy world. Thanks for reading. :-)

It was tempting OP but I had to say no - although I will visit from time to time. :-)

Glad other half is ok with the hug. Yes I expect we can sit in our rocking chairs, recalling our yesteryears (thta looks very wrong) and watch all the mancunians have a great time. Wonder if the United and City fans ever come together at such times?

Yes you really did get me going on ABC OCD3. It was just something that I said in reply to a lovely comment about my hugely underrated poetry. Sparked off a chain of thought that would not be repressed by my usual indolence.

You're right about OP. He knows what he's on about even if no-one else does. If he actually deigns to praise your prose, then you can expect a cherry winging your way. A strange, but interesting old chap. Well I could witter away for hours but things to do, word counts and so forth. I know it's wrong.

Very enjoyable, fatboy. It's manic and hilarious; how impossible it is to follow jumping from thought to thought is the true beauty of it. A great read.
Arthur.