Home

I'm not feeling all right

Posted by Highhat on February 9, 2012 - 17:59

I’m not feeling all right.
When did the diminishing sound
of slamming doors finally come to a stop?
Which crack did you leave by?
Magnificence lasted exactly one day.
Invincibility, likewise absorbed by the moonlit sky.
In Jutland. Tonight.
The shoreline’s washed away as
the words ‘re accompanied by music.
Well…. tones- wedging themselves between my bones.
Playing as the smoke of a Viking pyre curls its way through the valley
with another name recited in a Rap song.
I’ll never mention the word again,
tainted by other words, spittle and wine-
the truth told by a drunk and a child.
What happiness was the love rhyming with?
That’s what happened in a fleeting moment.
I’m not feeling all right.
Why did these sounds come to a stop?
I wonder - is your comfort the silence, the contaminated air
and the pulse in your fingertips?
We’ll make poems of your dreams!

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Silver Spun Sand | February 9, 2012 - 18:07

This...so very beautiful, Pia.

These lines particularly poignant:-

"Magnificence lasted exactly one day.
Invincibility, likewise absorbed by the moonlit sky."

and

"I wonder - is your comfort the silence, the contaminated air and the pulse in your fingertips?

These will stick with me.

Tina;-)

Highhat | February 9, 2012 - 18:10

Thanks for reading Tina- so glad you saw this one- am also very glad you enjoyed it...

;)Pia

MistakenMagic | February 9, 2012 - 18:11

"When did the diminishing sounds
of slamming doors finally come to a stop?
Which crack did you leave by?"

- Love, love, love these lines, Pia! A series of beautifully put together images. Well done :-)

Magic xxx

Highhat | February 9, 2012 - 18:31

Magic- your words mean a lot to me- so thanks so much. Glad you got so much from this

;)Pia

oldpesky | February 10, 2012 - 09:23

The lines highlighted by Tina and Magic do it for me. Every time I read your work I forget English isn't your first language. Well done again, Pia.

Highhat | February 10, 2012 - 12:35

Your words mean a lot to me OP and I'm so glad you mentioned that about the english- thank you so much.

Thanks for the cherry.. really pleased the eds liked this one..

;)Pia

Silver Spun Sand | February 10, 2012 - 12:58

Just popped back to say was really pleased about the cherries, and to second OP in what he said 'about the English'. I forget...like all of the time. Strange...that;-)

Tina

Highhat | February 10, 2012 - 13:53

Gee thanks a lot Tina- just keep forgetting and I'll keep doing my best with the english. Reading your poems helps me too you know! I am very happy with my cherry you bet!

;)Pia

skinner_jennifer | February 10, 2012 - 16:18

For me Pia,

the lines I adored, were:-

The shorelines washed away as
the words 're accompanied by music.
Well...tones - wedging themselves between my bones.
Playing as the smoke of a Viking pyre curls its way
through the valley
with another name recited in a Rap song.

This piece has your own imaginative style, that
is what makes your poems so brilliant.

Thankyou for sharing this one.

Congratulations on the cherries, really well deserved.

Jenny.

Christine | February 10, 2012 - 16:19

I love this.

Highhat | February 10, 2012 - 17:43

Thank you very much Jenny- we can't really hide our style can we? Thanks for reading. I am so glad you got so much from this.

;)Pia

Highhat | February 10, 2012 - 17:44

Glad you liked it Christine- thanks for telling me

;)Pia

hudsonmoon | February 19, 2012 - 16:15

Wonderful, Pia. Particularly liked: "I wonder - is your comfort the silence, the contaminated air
and the pulse in your fingertips?"

Rich

Highhat | February 19, 2012 - 18:01

Thanks Rich-much appreciated

;)Pia

fatboy74 | February 22, 2012 - 12:37

What's nice about going on holiday is that you come back to gems like this - marvellous Pia, one of my faves of yours. :-)

Highhat | February 22, 2012 - 19:25

Thanks for a lovely comment FB- glad you enjoyed..and welcome back..

;)Pia