One day seems to go on and on IP

I’m not tired. I used to say that I never got bored and that I didn’t understand the meaning of the word. Well I didn’t but I do now, unfortunately.

I closed the window,-thought it was a bit cold and turned off the radio. Haven’t got dressed yet and the time is way over 2pm. I’ve never done this before. I promise, as far as I can remember back in time- I have never not dressed in the morning. Maybe as a little girl- no not then either. Things were never that relaxed and snug when I was a little girl. That’s not quite true because when we were on holidays at the cottage by the river everything was just so beautiful and I even have a photo of us kids in our pyjamas early one Easter morning with all our chocolate Easter eggs in front of us on the table. Mum had lugged them all they way with the ferry from the city. Those chocolate eggs!.

It is all too quiet so I open the window again and can hear the distant buzz from the cars on the highway, people on the path way down 2 stories below, children’s voices and the wind. The air is a little chilly but I just cover myself with the duvet. I am sitting in my bed, with legs crossed and my laptop resting on my knees. I love this particular position for writing, really makes me relax.

I have had a couple of cups of coffee- a luxury I allow myself and smoked a couple of cigarettes- another luxury. I’m not going to speak to anyone today and I won’t be seeing anyone either. Not because I don’t want to. I would love to speak to someone, even on the phone but no one’s around.
I haven’t really made any friends in my new town ,yet. On weekdays I go to the centre and there is always someone to talk to and usually something to do but just haven’t got around to sharing telephone numbers and addresses yet. I hope I find someone I can befriend. There are some nice people there and I like the staff too.

This morning I was feeling angry. Mostly angry with myself but I also have a lot of suppressed bitterness and wrath at this community, the politicians and others I feel very intolerable towards. It’s a hard life living in a poor neighbourhood with a lot of different nationalities and creeds and some outlooks on life that I just don’t agree with. For instance the other day a man went amuck in his home and I know he assaulted somebody else behind their four walls. You could hear it. He was shouting and bashing someone around. I have seen them go into their flat. They are a whole crowd of relatives living together on very limited space. Must be pretty tense. Another Mother across the way slaps her child- he hardly even cries- seems used to it and the other evening a young guy was attacked and got his wallet etc stolen after they had beaten him up. Just outside my flat.

I am longing to get away from here. I feel so helpless and get aggravated by incidents like these. I just can’t do anything even though I don’t tolerate it in my quiet mind. So I am going to move as soon as possible to a quieter neighbourhood.

I like the mornings though- especially during the summer months when I can open onto the balcony and enjoy the peace and quiet. I usually get up early for that reason.

But today I am really feeling passive. Couldn’t even be bothered to go down the 2 flights of stairs and empty the mailbox. I keep telling myself that it’s probably empty and it most likely is. I don’t often write letters so I can’t expect to receive any. Most correspondence nowadays is by mail anyway and I do like receiving mails with other peoples news. My life is so uneventful and my imagination isn’t very vivid. I’m not stupid, I just don’t get about much. I get really angry at stupid people trying to pass as “normal” individuals.
I’ve met quite a few of them lately and really, they put my tolerance to a test. I just can’t ignore their stupidity. They remind me of most of the politicians I know of. Instead of condemning Assad and his massacres blatantly they weave their way around the subject with dead-pan words, really not saying much at all. Really aggravates me. I prefer the American politicians, although they are a little slow on the go at least they make a powerful show.
Well this is a bite of my daily life- full of thoughts, not very inspired or inspiring. I think the medication I am on puts a wet blanket on a lot of facets of my life and even makes me angry at times. It is really a drag but it is vital. I’m afraid I would be dead without it.
I get by. So far so good. I wish I could write as well as some of you other Abctalers or even Ms Kerouac. I am very earth bound and not very floral in my language. A practical Capricorn.
Oh I hope I didn’t bore you too much? Almost bored myself.