Eerie-tales & Nursery Crimes

Humpty Dumpty; Sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty; Had a great fall,
“Thank God I’m covered by Aviva” he said,
“The wife shall be rich; for soon I’ll be dea....”

Welcome to the world,
Of Fairytales and Rhymes,
Where almost every single day,
Someone’s committing a crime.

We all know Mr Dumpty,
Was pushed by a bitch,
By Mrs Dumpty,
So she’d be rich.

Old Mother Hubbard; went to the cupboard,
Pretending that it was all bare,
The dog knew her game,
And gave her a stare,
That night he ate the silly mare.

Sleeping Beauty lay motionless on the bed,
Just under a curse; she wasn’t dead,
At night her dad would do his duty,
By checking on her; and getting fruity.

Then there’s good young Goldilocks,
Now eighteen; and her body rocks,
Being pimped out by the Three Little Pigs,
Get a jiggy jig; for just twenty quid.

There were others on the game,
Wanting to make themselves a name,
Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel too,
Even Goosey Goosey Gander; to name a few.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
But not to get some water,
Jack took out his razor blade,
And made her like Gail Porter.

Little Tom Thumb; he came undone,
By the new ‘fat free’ Gingerbread man,
Took out a knife; and killed poor Tom,
Thrown in the sea; wrapped up in a thong.

Little Miss Muffet; was just sitting on a tuffet,
As Jack climbed down the Beanstalk,
He knocked her out; and dragged her away,
Whilst saying “I just want to talk....”

There once was an Ugly Duckling,
Who eventually became a Swan,
Robin Hood took out his rifle,
That didn’t last long.

A few examples of the crimes,
Yet no one ends up doing time,
A sinister land I’m sure you’ll agree,
But at least it’s all just make believe....