Riding through mist
and pouring rain
thoughts turn to shadows
that drift with the scene
dank steaming towns
and statues in macs
the boy in the window
the girl who stares back
By rivers of sorrow
on bridges of steel
through clattering switches
and screeching of wheels
I brush away moisture
and peer through the glass
but see no tomorrow
for the man on the tracks
Cold condensation
and glowing red light
diffuse into music
and softly-lit lives
dark misted woodlands
and glimpses of sea
are signposts to you
and lost roads for me
Torn between beds
a girl and a boy
are coasting through sadness
and blasting through joy
fallen from heaven
and destined for hell
all things to all men
no surprise when we fell
The station approaches
the day is in sight
can’t think from which side
of this car to alight
it’s kind of like fun
the ambiguous kind
but where lies my heart?
and where runs my mind?
Comments
maisie | November 22, 2011 - 19:20
oh i can hear the train in this one. I really liked this stanza
"Cold condensation
and glowing red light
diffuse into music
and softly-lit lives
dark misted woodlands
and glimpses of sea
are signponts to you
and lost roads for me"
always liked doing poems on trains...
london_calling79 | November 22, 2011 - 21:27
Same here. Reminds me of the Larkin poem. I love the idea of rhythm in this poem and the build up it gives your stanzas.
cynthiae77 | November 23, 2011 - 04:51
These two stanzas really stand out to me:
By rivers of sorrow
on bridges of steel
through clattering switches
and screeching of wheels
I brush away moisture
and peer through the glass
but see no tomorrow
for the man on the tracks
Cold condensation
and glowing red light
diffuse into music
and softly-lit lives
dark misted woodlands
and glimpses of sea
are signposts to you
and lost roads for me
Great work with this poem!
shoe | November 23, 2011 - 10:06
Very tightly wrought rhythm and delicious imagery too, you make it look easy, which is hard, if you see what I mean!
fatboy74 | November 23, 2011 - 11:34
All the above - Auden's Night Mail ran on Iambic Pentameter if memory serves, steady old steamy - your modern electric train has the meter of progress i guess. Really enjoyed this, well done. :-)
Parson Thru | November 23, 2011 - 18:34
Hey, thanks everyone. Really. I filled up on the train reading your comments. I've struggled with my writing a bit recently. It shows me why this is a great site - we can all give each other a boost when we need it. So glad that you enjoyed it and thanks editors! x
RachelPatricia | November 23, 2011 - 18:38
Wonderful, Parson - the metre is infectious and sort-of 'dreamy', if that makes any sense? Probably not! Really enjoyed this - congrats on the cherries, well deserved :)
Rachel xx
thecure | November 23, 2011 - 19:38
I loved this how very beautifully written, you really paint a picture :-)
Florian | November 23, 2011 - 20:50
A long time since I've ridden on a train but I enjoyed this ride immensely.
lavadis | November 24, 2011 - 16:24
Very well written indeed - so evocative
Parson Thru | November 25, 2011 - 00:53
Thank you for your comments. It's really nice of you and I'm glad it works and that you like it. Thanks!
PT