A young man
terrified
of becoming his father
marries a girl
he barely knows
has never even
kissed
with no warning
where this strange union
will take him
Years later
the blame is all his,
she tells him
over and over
as he sits mute, curled
inside himself
waiting
Now, looking into my
father's coffin
I see the shape of a man
no more familiar
in death than in life.
Comments
seashore | March 19, 2011 - 09:42
Thank you so much Eds for the cherry - got there in the end with this piece!
luigi_pagano | March 19, 2011 - 10:51
Yes Coral, you have got it just right. Congrats. on the cherry.
Luigi x
fatboy74 | March 19, 2011 - 11:51
Well done seashore - I don't know what has changed but it has a lovely balance to it this one. :-)
Silver Spun Sand | March 19, 2011 - 12:30
You sure did get there, Coral;-)
Tina
seashore | March 19, 2011 - 13:04
Thank you Luigi, Fatboy and Tina - really appreciate all your comments.
Special thanks to Tina for your input as you witnessed my struggles yesterday!
Coral
SundaysChild | March 19, 2011 - 16:11
Strong piece, well done.
seashore | March 19, 2011 - 17:13
Many thanks, SC
Sooz006 | March 21, 2011 - 00:34
Far better ending, well done.
Dynamaso | March 21, 2011 - 06:35
So much story in so few words - admirable and much enjoyed.
Dynamaso | March 21, 2011 - 06:36
And I liked it so much I commented twice :)
seashore | March 21, 2011 - 08:27
Thank you very much, Sooz!
Dynamaso - many thanks to you for your comments, twice!! That's a first if you see what I mean. :)
Cavalcaderl | March 21, 2011 - 21:39
new Seashore
Yes, I to liked this.
Images surrounding poem
julie x
seashore | March 22, 2011 - 06:32
Hello Julie - thank you for letting me know you liked it. Coral x
phase2 | June 17, 2011 - 18:46
the blame is all his,
she tells him
over and over
as he sits mute, curled
inside himself
waiting
It doesn't seem like you struggled at all. It's like one of those flint arrowheads, chipped into sharpest point
seashore | June 17, 2011 - 21:49
I did two versions of this - stopped the first one at `waiting'...but it didn't work hence second version.
Your comment is very poetic - I wonder if you write poetry too?