I’ve managed the past year.
Managed to keep sane.
I’ve tried to cope with all that has passed my way
and all that I have prompted
of minor occurrences.
Daily occurrences such as
doing the shopping,
baking my own bread,
preparing meals for my son and I,
house cleaning,
writing emails.
Nothing that should rock the boat
for “ordinary” people.
I’ve managed to keep sane
for a year now.
Now it all seems to tumble.
I seem to have reached my limit.
Again.
It really makes me sad.
I don’t feel sorry for myself.
There is no room for that emotion.
I was on top for a long time.
Riding on the waves of normality.
Maybe
I need to shed responsibility for a while.
It’s just that if I don’t feel responsible for myself
It may lead to drama
and that I do not wish for.
I don’t want to loose myself.
Therefore I write.
I’m hanging on to myself by writing,
hanging on to the normality of words.
Black and white.
I need lines to keep it neat and tidy
Because inside me there is chaos.
Wondering if they are going to drug me again
or what is to happen?
I am wondering if I am to be committed
to leaving responsibility for a while.
To come to the surface,
to pick up where I had left off .
Inside me,
in my mind
there are no short cuts.
My emotions are at my fingertips
Just waiting to be exploited,
hammering away at the keyboard.
A desperate escape from insanity.
My heart is
Devoid of anything but the heartbeat-
My body and brain are on overload
Pacing time with emotions,
too many thoughts
What is my limit?
I’m not going there
if I can avoid it.
Comments
insertponceyfre... | November 20, 2010 - 09:54
this is brilliant pia - can't pick out any parts I liked especially because it's all really good. The tension, and the sense of tight control, and dread as to what might happen - perfectly expressed. Well done
Highhat | November 20, 2010 - 10:32
Thank you Insert. Yes it is very tense. An awful gut feeling.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
cheers
;)Pia
Highhat | November 20, 2010 - 10:34
Thank you for the cherries cherry pickers. Cheered me up a bit.
cheers
;)Pia
Silver Spun Sand | November 20, 2010 - 12:07
Pia - I think that your extremely frank and honest poem will touch a nerve for many people. After all, which of us is 'normal'?
An exceptional piece of writing, well deserving of its cherry.
Hope the sun shines on you this weekend. It's a grey day here, and no mistake;-)
Tina
MistakenMagic | November 20, 2010 - 12:18
I know this feeling all too well, Pia. I would've been sectioned years ago if it wasn't for poetry ;) This is a wonderful piece. Well done on the cherry!
Magic xxx
seashore | November 20, 2010 - 13:33
So well expressed.
seashore | November 20, 2010 - 13:33
So well expressed.
seashore | November 20, 2010 - 13:34
So well expressed.
seashore | November 20, 2010 - 13:39
So well expressed. Don't know what happened there - only meant to say that once but it won't let me delete!! Still, guess I made my point....
pinda | November 20, 2010 - 15:55
Loved this :)
Great work Pia, you've been producing some outstanding work recently! Congratulations on the well-deserved cherries :)
X
Pinda
fatboy74 | November 20, 2010 - 21:14
Really well deserved cherry.
"I’m hanging on to myself by writing, hanging on to the normality of words.
Black and white."
Love these lines Pia - brutal honesty in this poem - keep hanging on and writing great stuff please. :-)
Highhat | November 21, 2010 - 11:25
Thank you all for your extremely kind comments and praise. I'm so glad this moved you to appreciation. I'm still hanging on Thanks but couldn't cope with individual replies. Sorry. But I do thank you all once again.
cheers
Pia ;)
skinner_jennifer | November 21, 2010 - 15:54
Hi pia,
you have spoken honestly about your feelings in this
poem and I really hope you keep writing so I can
keep reading your work.
Jenny.
Highhat | November 21, 2010 - 16:04
Yes it is a bit confessional isn't it. Thanks for reading Jenny
;)Pia
Kahdai | November 22, 2010 - 16:02
Aaw Pia this is great, hope your alright though. Not many people are really are normal, that would be boring, keep writing for sane like me too I think ;) K x
Highhat | November 22, 2010 - 18:29
Kahdai- thanks for reading I'm fine really- I'm sure I'll manage this time without drama which is good.
;)Pia
Kahdai | November 23, 2010 - 10:57
Good :) x K
Highhat | November 23, 2010 - 13:08
thanks Kahdai for reading
;)Pia