We're Not Fucked Enough Yet

I imagined a pool of crude oil in the bathtub
I imagined orphan blood on all my clothes
I saw forests fall every time I wrote a love note
I couldn't walk out my door without prophesying the end of all things good

"Please stop crying
We're not fucked enough yet
Please stop thinking
You can't even get out of bed
And you're worried about the world?"

I peered at her through my bedroom doorway
She wiped her fingers on her apron and then turned back to the sink,
The woman I hallucinated
They'd been piling up for eighteen days, those dishes
And her hands, cracked in futility, couldn't stop them from multiplying as I watched

There were piles of laundry like rubble in a warzone
Pens, change and pills littered the floor
The walls, bare and bland, knew me better than my biographer
Tylenol was my wheelchair, and the ceiling shuddered under my gaze
I hadn't brushed my teeth in the year since I graduated high school

I dreamt of an anvil that the woman couldn't stop
And it fell upon her head and it crushed her on the spot
She was telling me to vote as she sank into the floor
Kept on babbling about stupid shit like peaceful protest and reform
"You've got to pay the bills and shovel the driveway
There's no time to waste on class war, not today"

At last her swan song ended
And the silence was deafening

I pulled out my hair and I hid from Lupe Fiasco
I tried to teach myself to roll over in bed
Without wondering whether my pillow was made in China
But the splattered optimist was still stuck to my kitchen floor
And the futures of the world's children still screamed at me from every corner

There were buzzwords strewn all over my bed:
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, War on Terror, fracking
Student debt, malaria, pro-life, tear gas
Rising rates of every mental illness plus breast cancer
More cases of PTSD in North America from rape than war
Soon they'll find a cure for empathy, will we be fucked enough to draw a line then?

I'm ashamed of the milk in my tea
I'm ashamed that I haven't been arrested- yet
I'm ashamed that I'm too depressed walk half a block
But I'm not ashamed that I dropped an anvil on that woman