Lost Souls

Lost Souls

When she woke up this morning she was running late, rushing to get ready she stopped and looked at her self in the mirror, she had to laugh, she could hear David's voice in the back of her mind saying, Honey, you better wake up now or I know you will fall back asleep She just wanted a few more minutes and closed her eyes thinking she would get up in a few minutes. David was right, David was always right. She touched her cheek and could still feel the tender kiss he gave her as he left for work. Tamara was always amazed at how well David could read her, after all they had only been married for 6 months, but he knew her better than anyone else did. She laughed quietly to her self and came back to reality she muttered to herself "Work, yes work, need to get ready for work. She looked at the clock and decided to put her hair up in a ponytail; she was already an hour late. Grabbing her coat she headed for the door, not noticing the red flashing light on the answering machine.

Traffic was light at that time of the morning so she made it there in good time. It had just started to rain as she pulled into her parking spot. Reaching in the back seat for her umbrella she realized she had been in such a rush, she had forgotten it. She grabbed her coat and put it over her head and ran into the office building, almost tripping as she reached the top stair.

As she walked into her office everyone stopped working and started staring at her, Tamara got an uneasy feeling, and thought "So what if I am late, I'm late all the time, why is everyone staring at me? Tamara got a very uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Nancy her best friend stood there with a look of gloom, which was unlike her, Nancy always had a smile on her face. Nancy walked up to Tamara and put her arm around her and led her into her private office and closed the door behind them. Tamara knew something was wrong, Nancy what on earth is going on? Nancy ,in a calm voice said, Tamara, you need to call David's mother right away Tamara heart fell to the bottom of her feet, she started shaking uncontrollably, "Nancy tell me what's wrong with David, tell me NOW Nancy sat Tamara down on the couch and explained the best she could, she told her the police officers tried to contact her at the scene but couldn't get a hold of anyone, so they called David's mom, "Tam, you really should call her, she can explain better than I can

Picking the phone up slowly Tamara tried to dial the number, she was shaking so much that she couldn't dial, and Nancy helped her and handed the phone back to her when David's mother voice came on the line. All Tamara could say was, "Yes. Yes. Oh my God Then Tamara fell to the floor The next thing she remember was sitting on the couch in their small apartment, Rocking back and forth, and in a small voice repeating these words, This cant be happening, this cannot be happening

Part Two

Jeb woke up like he did every morning, 4 am sharp. He never needed an alarm clock, he had a built in one. For as long as Jeb could remember he woke up at the same exact time, day in and day out, rain or shine. Today wasn't any different. He scratched his head, stood up and while putting on his robe he scratched his butt all the way to the bathroom.

Jenny sat up in bed and started laughing, she always laughed at this morning ritual. Little did Jenny know, but Jeb did this on purpose, just so he could hear the soft laughter that came from her. He loved hearing her laugh so early in the morning. It's those little things in life that made their marriage so wonderful. For 25 years they ran around teasing each other like they were kids. Family and friends always found it refreshing to see them still so much in love after all these years.

Jenny adored Jeb and spoiled him rotten; she would do anything for him. She got up with him every morning and while he was in the shower she would start his breakfast, with her robe and boots on she would make her way to the hen house, grab fresh eggs, and cut some fresh flowers from her garden. She would come back in the house and start the bacon that he so loved.

Jeb always knew it was time to get out of the shower when he could smell the freshly brewed coffee, the aroma from the percolator and the bacon frying. Those smells always made him hungry.

He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jenny cook, thinking to himself how in the hell he got so lucky and how in the hell she had stayed with him for so long. He was truly blessed by having this wonderful woman in his life. He was in a daze when Jenny turned to him and said,Jeb quit daydreaming and sit down before your breakfast gets cold

After breakfast Jeb stepped out onto the front porch, lit his pipe, (Jenny never allowed him to smoke in the house) he took a deep puff and looked out into the field. The horses nickering and prancing around, he laughed and said, Hold on guys, Ill be there in a minute to feed you. Jeb loved these types of mornings, the sun was just coming up and the colors that danced across the field were breath taking.
Jenny looked out the kitchen window, smiled and continued washing the dishes, "What a beautiful day this was going to be she muttered to herself. She placed the last glass in the drainer and poured herself one last cup of coffee before starting the ironing. Not seeing the box on the floor she tripped and fell, she tried to catch herself on the kitchen table but it was too late, she hit the floor hard.

Jeb was in the barn not knowing what was happening inside, he went about his business feeding the horses and cleaning the barn.

Part Three

Tamara always sat in David's chair when he was away on business, it was so comfortable. Her chair was a ratty old chair they got from a second hand store. She didn't mind though, money was tight and that's what they could afford at the time. It became part of her. One day while David and her were out on a window shopping outing David saw this chair in the window of a department store, it was brown suede, it had a foot rest that came up with a push of a button, and had the biggest pillow cushion he had ever saw. Curiosity got the best of him and he had to go in and take a closer look. David grabbed Tamara's hand and said, "Come on lets go check this out She laughed this wasn't like David, she knew this chair meant something special to him. In they went, David rushed over to the chair and asked the salesman if it was ok for him to sit in it. "Of course you can, let me pull it down from the window so you can get the full effect The salesman brought the chair down to the stage floor and down David went, he looked just like a kid in a candy store. David almost fell asleep in the chair that is until he looked at the price. His mouth dropped open and he jumped out of the chair so quickly he almost knocked Tamara over.

Tamara knew she had to get David this chair for Christmas, she still had time to save for it, and if it meant working overtime she would do it, what ever it took she had to get him it.

When the delivery man came knocking on the door with the chair David freaked out, he was so excited he could barley contain him self... As soon as the chair was setup and the man gone David grabbed Tamara by the waist and swung her around and around, kissing her face all over the place. "David stop, stop, I can't breathe put me down! They both were laughing so hard. David picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, and told her he was going to give her his own present!

Now as she sits on the edge of the couch, looking at the empty chair she starts to cry again, she knows she will never sit in his chair again. She can still see his smiling face sitting there, she couldn't bear to look, she turns away, and grabbing a tissue she wiped her eyes.

Nancy couldn't help her, she tried everything she could. Tamara wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, and wouldn't go out of the house. Nancy would stop by everyday before work. She would knock on the door, but no answer, she would reach in her purse and get out the spare key David had given her. The key he insisted she takes. David was always the practical one, Nancy could still her David's voice telling her, You never know when something will come up, what if we lock ourselves out of the house, someone has to have a spare, and you're the only one we trust to have it, now take it! Nancy laughed a little and put the key in the dead bolt and turned the key.

No one could have prepared themselves for what she was going to see, as she opened the door there was glass everywhere, she walked in slowly calling out Tamara's name, nothing, silence. As she walked in further more destruction, pictures that once hung on the wall were now strewn on the floor, David's clothes thrown all over the place. Nancy's heart began to beat hard and fast, she started to shake. Frantically she ran from room to room calling out Tamara name. She found her, she was in the bedroom closet, curled up in a ball clutching David's shirt and crying, rocking back and forth. "Tamara, it's me Nancy. Tamara can you hear me Nothing.

Nancy went to the phone, picked up the yellow pages and looked for the number. Found the number she was looking for and picked up the phone and dialed the number. She didn't know what else to do, this was the last resort. Looking at Tamara still in the closet she spoke to the receptionist, explained what was going on, and then gave the lady the address. She hung up the phone and sat on the edge of the bed and waited, waited for them to come take Tamara away. Nancy started to cry.

Part Four

Jeb was just finishing up the barn and decided to get a cup of coffee, even though the sun was out the air was a bit chilly and he needed to warm up. He walked slowly to the kitchen door and stopped short before heading up the stairs. Something was out of place, he wasn't sure what but it was something. He didn't hear the humming that usually he heard coming from the kitchen, and something else didn't seem right. Reluctantly he walked closer, he was almost to the door when he looked through the window and could see Jenny laying there on the floor, he rushed through the door calling her name, "Jenny, Jenny he knelt down beside her and shook her, she didn't move, he took her arm and tried to find a pulse, and was relieved, it was faint but there was one there. He jumped up and dialed 911 and told them to hurry. He ran back to her, picking her up in his arms, looking for any signs of what might have happened. No physical signs, no blood, no broken bones that he could tell. He stroked her hair and felt a small bump and that was it. He held her close and kept repeating her name, begging her to wake up. When he heard the sirens he felt a since of relief, although it seemed like it took forever for them to get there.

The paramedics made there way into the kitchen and asked Jeb to step back, they gently laid Jenny flat on the floor and started checking her out, asking Jeb all kinds of questions as they worked on her, they hooked her up to an IV and put oxygen on her. Time was moving to slow, Jeb was so afraid. Jeb explained that he was in the barn and he didn't know how long she had been there, that when he went outside she was fine, she had no heart problems that she was in perfect health Jeb pleaded with the paramedics. Please tell me what's wrong with my wife "Please Sir stand back, we will let you know as soon as we figure it out, we need you to stay calm and let us do our job

The ambulance ride to the hospital took forever. They wouldn't let him ride in the ambulance with them so Jeb jumped in his ole Ford truck and followed them. The lights and sirens were blaring and they were driving fast. Jeb didn't care he wanted to be with his wife as soon as he could.

The doctors told Jeb that she would be in a coma for a long time, that the swelling on her head was to massive for surgery. They explained to him that she may never wake up and that they needed to run more tests.

The next few days were a blur. Jeb doesn't remember much of anything other than the fact that Jenny's condition had gotten worse. The doctor called for Jeb and took him into his office. "Sit down Jeb I need to explain what is going on As Jeb sat down his legs gave way, he fell into the chair, and he knew this wasn't going to be good. The doctor explained that Jenny was brain dead that with out all the machines hooked up to her she would die. "You need to start thinking about what you want to do Jeb, I know this isn't easy but a decision should be made soon. The doctor asked him if he had any questions but Jeb was still in a state of shock and could not answer. The doctor left the room and told Jeb that if he needed anything to just page for him and he would come to him. He closed the door behind him and left Jeb sitting there, alone.

Back at the farm Jeb sat at the kitchen table, his hands shaking, still not able to comprehend what had taken place. It was as if this was all a dream, he half expected Jenny to walk through the kitchen door with a cup off coffee in her hand, and to ask him what he wanted for lunch. He waited, but Jenny wasn't going to walk through the door, Jenny wasn't going to make him breakfast, she wasn't going to laugh at his silly morning ritual again. He desperately wanted his Jenny back.

Part Five

Nancy knew she did the right thing by calling the doctors, she couldn't bear seeing her best friend like this, and she tried everything she could to help Tamara. It was beyond her expertise. The doctors at the hospital told her that she did the right thing and that they would keep Tamara for a few days just to evaluate her condition. They asked that Nancy not stop by until they had a chance to run tests and to put her on medication if needed. Nancy protested but in the end agreed that she would wait for a phone call from the hospital that it was ok to come see her.

When Tamara woke up again she was confused and scared, she was strapped to a bed and couldn't break free, she started to yell at the top of her lungs, "What am I doing here, what have I done, help me please A nurse walked in her room and said, Well look who's awake, Good morning Tamara. My name is Eli and I will be your nurse today Tamara still confused and a little groggy sat up the best she could and asked where she was. Eli explained what had happened and how she got here. You have a very good friend in Nancy Eli said, "She cares a great deal for you

"Why do I have these restraints on me, please take them off "Jenny begged. Eli explained that she could take them off as soon as the doctors said it was ok. "Honey, you tried to kill yourself, we put these on you to protect you Jenny still confused laid back her head and closed her eyes. "I want to see the doctor please Eli started to walk out of the room and said He will be on his way soon. Eli closed the door as she walked out of the room.

Jenny struggled to remember what had happened; things were coming back to her bit by bit. She remembered breaking the mirror in her bedroom and sitting on the floor with a shard of glass in her hand. She remembered Nancy calling her name and wanting to speak but couldn't and she remembered a man in a white coat asking her questions she couldn't answer. Slowly things were coming back to her, and it horrified her.

Eli walked back in with a shot in her hand and told her the doctor would be in shortly. Jenny didn't want a shot, she wanted to stay awake, but Eli insisted it wouldn't make her sleep; it was just to relax her, so with hesitation Jenny let Eli give her the shot. The doctor walked in shortly, with a warm smile, he greeted her. Hello Jenny, I'm Doctor Adams, I have been with you since you were admitted, and you gave us quite the scare, I'm glad to see your awake now how are you feeling?

Jenny didn't know what to say, she didn't know how she was feeling, and other than scared she didn't know what to say to Doc Adams. "Don't worry Jenny, the medication will ware off soon and you'll be able to think clearer. You're going to be fine now He explained that he would be back later and said he had a tray of breakfast on its way. After you have eaten we will talk again e closed the door behind him.

Jenny thought to herself, "Why does everyone keep closing my door? She laughed a little to herself as she puzzled the question over and over in her mind. She was feeling a little more like herself now.

Part Six

Still sitting at the table Jeb wished he had something stronger to drink then the coffee, he needed something to calm his nerves, then remembering the bottle in the basement he had hidden from Jenny. He made his way down stairs. He always felt guilty about hiding the hooch from her, but thought a man has to have something all his own, and he didn't drink it very often. Today was a day where he needed it. Hidden far back in the corner of his work bench covered with an old rag he picked the bottle up, looked at it for a moment, unscrewed the lid and took a drink. It felt warm going down and it gave him a bit of a chill as it always did, he started to put the lid back on and put it away and decided against it. Tucking the bottle in his back pocket he returned to the kitchen table.

The table which once was a warm gathering place for him and Jenny was now a cold empty spot. He didn't feel comfortable sitting here. Taking the bottle out of his back pocket he unscrewed the cap one more time and took another drink. This time the hooch went down more smoothly. He replaced the lid and was putting it back in his pocket when he decided to hell with it, he took the lid back off and sat the bottle in the middle of the table. Almost with out hesitation he picked the bottle up and drank, and drank till there was none left. He didn't care anymore; nothing in life was ever going to make since to him again. He had fallen asleep, right there at the table.

When he woke up he knew what he must do. In the morning he would go to the hospital, but for now he just wanted to find another bottle and drink until he couldn't think. He searched all the hiding spots, and found a couple bottles stashed around the house. Taking both of them into his bedroom, he sat on the edge of the bed. He picked the picture of Jenny up that was sitting on the table beside his bed, and cried, and drank and cried some more. When he woke in the morning the smell of alcohol filled his nose and it made him sick to his stomach. Stumbling out of bed, he began to scratch his head, but stopped, Jenny wasn't there, no need to scratch his ass, and no reason to put his robe on. He went to the bathroom for the first time since they were married with out hearing the soft laughter. He started to cry again.

He took his time showering this morning, today there was no need to rush, and he got dressed and walked slowly to the barn to feed the horses. The horses didn't move when he came out the door like they normally did, they horses knew something was wrong. He feed and watered them then walked to his truck, slowly got in and started the engine. He sat there for the longest time, not wanting to go, but knew he had to, he had to face the inevitable The drive to the hospital was a fuzzy memory He didn't remember getting there, he was in his truck then he was standing in front of Jenny in her hospital bed.

.He sat beside her and talked to her, he held her hand, and he told her how much he loved her. He told her all the things you tell a loved one if you knew you wouldn't have another chance. The tears in his eyes made it hard to see her, he wiped them away, stood up and smiled, knelt down and kissed her one more time before he called for the doctor to come in.

A priest came in first to give Jenny her last rights, Jeb sat next to her and held her hand the whole time. The doctors and nurse came in next. "Jeb this is going to be very difficult, if you want to leave the room we will understand Jeb protested, I want to stay, I want her to be with me till the very end, I don't want her to be alone The doctor put his hand on Jeb shoulder and told him how sorry he was. "Jeb you're going to have to step away for just a few minutes while we disconnect the machines, you can come sit with her as soon as we are done. Jeb stood back and let them do the job they were sent in to do.

After everyone left the room, Jeb got into the bed with Jenny, holding her tightly, he started to sing her a song, it was her favorite gospel song, and a fitting one under the circumstances. In a shaking voice Jeb sang, "Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wrench like me, I once was lost and now am found, was blind but now I see

Jenny passed just as Jeb finished the last verse. Jeb walked out of the hospital room in silence. His mind was gone, he was no longer the Jeb he was three days ago.

He didn't see the car that was stalled in the middle of the road and slammed right into them. He was taken to the hospital by life flight, his injuries required immediate. Care.

Part Seven

Jenny was feeling better, the doctors took the restraints off, and she was put Lorazopan to help with the anxiety. They wanted her to stay in the hospital however to get some counseling and she agreed. Day by day she was feeling more and more like herself, she spent less time in her hospital room. She enjoyed walking around and visiting with other patients.

One day as she passed by one of the rooms she could hear someone crying, she didn't want to seem like she was intruding but she wanted to see if she could help in anyway. She stood at the doorway and knocked softly. The gentleman looked up surprised; no one had visited him since he had gotten here. He told Jenny to come in. As Jenny walked in she got a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach, not a bad one but a good one, somehow she knew this man, she knew what he was going through. She didn't need to ask any questions. She sat at the edge of his bed, took his hand into hers and smiled. She told him of her loss and how it all happened, she told Jeb she knew that he had loss someone too, and told him if there was anything she could do all he had to do was let him know.

Surprised he felt so at ease with this woman, he opened up to her, he had a story to tell also. He went on for hours, and Jenny listened by the time they were both done talking a friendship had formed, both of them felt a new since of hope for the future. Amazing how things worked out in life

Jenny would visit Jeb everyday, they ate breakfast tighter, ate lunch and dinner together. They would sit and talk for hours about what had happened. They were healing together.

It was Jenny's time to go home, she was well enough to be one her own, she promised Jeb they would keep in touch. She thanked Jeb for being such a wonderful friend, gave him a kiss on the check and walked out the hospital doors a free woman.

Opening the front door for the first time since this all happened Jenny was a little afraid, she thought back to the hospital and what Jeb had told her, "Don't ever be afraid, you are not alone, David will always be with you and in a cute little chuckleso will I Jenny took they key out of her purse, put it in the dead bolt and turned the key. As she walked in she felt relieved, it was going to be ok. She walked to the living room and the first thing she saw was David's chair, she went right to it and sat down in it. She was ok; she felt good sitting in his chair. Thinking of Jeb and how much he had helped her she took out the stationary sitting in the end table and started to write a poem for Jeb. It read:

Lost Souls
She walks alone down the lonely street
Tears falling down her rose colored cheek
She cries out in desperation, she cries out in pain, in hopes to find comfort in the rain
The old man weathered from the years
Sits and watches, as he remembers his own darkened fears
He lifts his bottle, and takes a drink, In one last effort to forget his fate
Two lost souls trying to understand, what has become of this so called plan
Life was to be simple, joyous and grand, to be shared with a loved one hand in hand
They each lost a lover, her husband, his wife
Now alone on this cold dark night
They were brought together by a force unknown, to find that love is not forlorn
Together they walk down the street
Hand in Hand
No longer they weep

Jenny placed it in an envelope and addressed it, she would give it to Jeb the next time she saw him. She grabbed a blanket off the couch, curled up in David's chair and fell asleep